Thursday, April 03, 2008

And the "Crappy Mother of the Year Award" Goes To...

Don't bother entering the "Fucked-up Mother of the Year" Contest because I've totally got this one. I'm winning that contest. Hands down. I'm also going to win the "Bad Wifey" and "Sucky Homemaker" Awards as well. So don't even bother competing with me.

Because based on my performance in these categories today, there is no way I won't win.

First of all, I dislocated my 2-year-old's elbow. Yeah. I'm just going to say it straight up. I friggin dislocated his elbow.

But it was an accident.

Now, I know what you're saying. That is totally something that a child abuser says. It was just an accident Johnny. You tripped down those stairs. Right? Right?

But really, it was an accident. I swear. See, Little Guy was throwing a tantrum on the ground in our living room and we were all going to be late for work so I took his hand and tried to pull him up off the ground.

Apparently, this is when I dislocated it, though I didn't realize it at the time.

No, I thought that my son's cries and wails were his continued attempts to try to get out of going to daycare. But that's what the "Crappy Mother of the Year" would do, right? Dislocate her son's elbow and then ignore his yelps of pain thinking that he's crying wolf...

Anyway, after a short car ride in which he continued to complain that his arm hurt, I started to wonder if there was really a problem. I finally realized that something was really wrong after he screamed to high heavens when I tried to take him out of his car seat.

So we went to the doctor. And sure enough, he had Nursemaid's elbow. Might as well call it "MommyF-EdUpBigTime Elbow" because that's what I know the doctor was thinking. Even though he said it was sooooo common and not to worry and then he popped it right back into place and all was well.

Kind of well. Except that I totally dislocated his elbow. WTF?? I didn't even yank it. I swear. I mean, I would tell you if I had yanked it. And I have yanked his arm before on a couple occassions. This time I merely tried to pick him up from the ground and dislocated it.

Lesson learned? Never pick a child up by the hand. Always pick up by the armpits. But I'm sure you all know that because you're not the "Sucky Mom of the Year" now are you. That's me.

Moving on to the "Crappy Wifey of the Year Award"....

I deserve this one for totally yelling at my husband 4 weeks ago when he yanked Little Guy's arm to get him to come out from behind the couch. It was no big deal but I was practically threatening to call CPS. Not that I would and not that it was warranted, but I guess I'm just bitchy like that. However, he didn't say one negative comment to me after dislocating my own son's elbow. He was really supportive and said he knew it was an accident. Go figure.

And finally, I crown myself "Sucky Homemaker of the Year" for leaving the house today and forgetting to lock the front door. No. Scratch that. I forgot to close AND lock the front door. Yep. We returned home at 8:30pm this evening to find our home completely open. The whole place could have been wiped out and it would have been all my fault.

WTF is wrong with me?

Could this be Target karma?

22 Comments:

OpenID annenahm said...

Oh hon, when it rains it pours, huh?

Nursemaid's elbow is indeed very common, and I don't think I've ever had anyone (except my dad, who worked in an E.R. and had seen in a gajillion times before) ever warn me not to pick up a kid by the wrist/hand. If nobody even tells you, it's hard to protect yourself from it, huh?

As for the door: Sheesh. Who hasn't done that? I count it in the win column seeing as you were outside with your clothes on and the house accessible. Not outside in your shower cap and towel with the door locked.

Hoping you are already having a better day.

6:07 AM  
Anonymous Andrea said...

Easy girl. You've got a lot on your plate. Two young kids, a job, pressure from your MIL to potty train Little Guy, and a whole host of other stuff.

I'm gonna say what Debbie of i obsess fame would say: cut yourself some fucking slack.

The definitioin of accident is that you didn't mean to do it; you would never intentionally hurt Little Guy. And honestly, what paren't HASN'T picked up their kid by the hand/wrist? I've done it, much to my chagrin to admit, but you're not alone there.

As for the door, we've gone to sleep at night with our garage door wide open and the door to enter the house from the garage unlocked. Yeah, at least you weren't HOME when the door was open and unlocked. I practically invited a home invasion and offered up my family for butchering. Hey, serial rapists/killers. Looking for a victim? We've got you covered! Just go to the house with the open garage door. They're inside sleeping and helpless, prime targets.

Hang in there. Have a margarita. Watch a chick flick. Some down time might be in order for ya.

6:22 AM  
Blogger Elizabeth said...

I can totally sympathize. I dislocated Terrorists shoulder when I was holder her hand and she flung herself to the ground, I ended up popping it back in myself but YUCK!

6:27 AM  
Anonymous beth - total mom haircut said...

As soon as this post started I thought in my mind - "oh, it's probably just nursemaid's elbow." It's really common and REALLY easy to do. I did it to Sam once when we were PLAYING. I lifted him up by both hands to sit him on my lap. We ended up taking him to the hospital because we didn't know what was wrong. There, they told me how COMMON it is. Every friend I told about that said, "oh, nursemaid's elbow" before I even finished the story. Don't worry about it; don't beat yourself up.

6:35 AM  
Blogger Velma said...

Thank god THAT day is over, huh? :)

8:01 AM  
Anonymous LaShawn said...

My oldest son had nursemaid's elbow so many times when he was younger that the ER doc finally taught me how to put it back in place. Yep, I am such an awesome mom that I did it MULTIPLE TIMES.

8:02 AM  
Blogger JaniceNW said...

You are so not worst mom! Last night my 17yo wrote me an email basically telling me to F off. Yeah. It really does get better the older they get...NOT!

Nursemaid's elbow is very common. Honest. Every developmental book mentions it.

Hugs and remember take deeps breaths and take it easy on you.

8:55 AM  
Blogger Julie Pippert said...

Sounds like a case of "there but for dumb luck..." it could be me too and a case of overburdened and overwhelmed you.

If you've only left your door open once...wow, you're better than me. :)

Andrea's right, listen to her tell you what Debbie would say.

You need something special for you, like a break.

Also? I totally fed my 3 year old two South Beach diet bars this morning because I am so frigging sick of it with her that I caved right in, no resistance. Also? She was on the way to school making it not my problem for a while.

I thought that might make you feel better.

9:01 AM  
Blogger The Flip Flop Mamma! said...

My mom dislocated my sister's shoulder when she was little. It happens. Don't beat yourself up!!

9:20 AM  
Blogger Kyla said...

It IS really common. REALLY common. But still, I get that guilt. Oh yeah. Although, it really isn't your fault.

11:12 AM  
Blogger Blogversary said...

I woke up at 4am to realize our front door was WIDE OPEN! Now that is some scary stuff. My husband forgot to close it all the way and the wind blew it open.

Don't lose sleep over it. Everyone is okay.

11:39 AM  
Anonymous Momish said...

It is common as everyone is saying and it is so easy to get when they are at this age. My daughter got nursemaid's elbow last summer. All she did was roll over on a carpeted floor. THAT is how easy it is to pop out of place if a child is prone to it. Don't beat yourself up! I am telling you, all she did was roll over to get up.

1:16 PM  
Blogger Holly said...

Ouch - that is one seriously lame day. Glad you got all that over with before the weekend. My brother-in-law dislocated my niece's shoulder the same way. (I spelled that discolated just now. Genius. But really, it sounds like much more fun that way. Like disco and elated all in one! Anyway...) He felt horrible, but it just popped out. It really IS common and easy to do!

2:15 PM  
Blogger Amanda said...

Not going to hijack your blog with a novella, just know that we ALL have had these moments, days or weeks. I agree you need a little break, scratch that, "deserve a break," because "need" might imply a failure, of which there is none.

Be gentle with yourself.

7:26 PM  
Anonymous Izzy said...

It might make you feel a bit better to know that I, too, have left the front door OPEN before when leaving the house. Like WIDE OPEN. I know I sure feel better.

As for your son's elbow, I know at least two totally non-abusive parents that have done the same thing.

Frankly, I'm surprised my own son's elbow wasn't dislocated a couple weeks ago when, in the throes of a tantrum, my son just decided to plop down on his back in the driveway. I didn't let go of his hand for fear hed crack his head on the concrete so he was just kind of hanging there while I tried to coax him up. To anyone else, it probably looked like I was yanking him around by the arm even though I totally wasn't. P's wailing didn't help matters. The lady across the street was totally eyeing us like he was a living, breathing ad for tubal ligation and I was just plain evil.

Chin up! You're a good mom :)

9:20 PM  
Blogger Mommy off the Record said...

Could you guys be any nicer or more supportive? I feel a smidge less like a child abuser after reading all of your comments. And for that I thank you! :)

9:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes, at least you were dressed when you left the door open. My dogs got out three (3) times yesterday, where they ran around the neighborhood and barked a lot and frightened small children by their barking and terrorized the neighbor's cat and freaked me out a lot since they have no fear of automobiles. The toddler let them out twice, then he followed me outside with no shirt on ("Shirt off. Shirt wet.") while I rounded them up. My husband forgot to put the garage door down when he got home; dogs ran for it. So, I've got the Ohio suckiness all wrapped up.

7:14 AM  
Blogger Domestically Challenged said...

Oh! ((((Hugs)))) We did that once. Last year we were about to fly out on spring break. Had already survived 3hrs at the airport with our 2yo. Our plane was delayed by 15min. DH took the nugget over to a vacant gate to wait and let the nugget run around. Well, nugget got very hyper and as we were trying to catch them, they ran past and DH reached out and grabbed their hand. We felt like the worst parents ever!

1:53 PM  
Blogger Sarah said...

Well, I broke my son's leg (and badly, not just some weak tiny fracture you have to strain your eyes to see on an x-ray) when he was 2 1/2 getting him back in his footy pajamas in the living room. When he fell I thought he had smacked himself in the chest and that's what he was wailing about - no, that was his bone breaking.

So I'm not just saying this when I say, don't beat yourself up.

Your Target Karma is fine also. But if you didn't fret so much I would have not much to read. :)

6:52 PM  
Anonymous AdventureDad said...

There's no way I would let you near my kids. Right:-)) I need to show this post to Foxy Wife. SHe tends to have..... accidents, although so far nothing more than lots of blood.

Funny thing with her is that whe tries to overprotect the kids while I let them explore more. After 4 years of kids, she got about 99.9% of accidents... Poor wife.

I don't blame you for leaving the door open. With a couple of kids it's very easy to forget about things. I think you should look at this in a positive way. Yu live in such a great neighborhood people leave your house alone even though it's open.

Nice weekend and don't be too hard on yourself. I'll trust you with my kids any time.

AD

12:19 PM  
Blogger sasha said...

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is a process for those women who would like to restore their fertility in order to have more babies. This surgery, also known as tubal ligation reversal, microsurgical tubal reanastomosis, and sterilization reversal, is done by opening the previously blocked fallopian tube so that the egg can be fertilized by the sperm. It is a very safe procedure.

4:45 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you for your website. I disolcated my son's elbow about 3 days ago. I know how you feel (or felt hopefully you've gotten over it by now!) Even though I think I will never get over it. I know I'll never forget. I'm going through all this guilt right now. It popped out while we were on our camping trip. I grabbed his arm like I have done a thousand times but he didn't want to come with me so he plonked himself down on the floor. I heard a click but thought nothing of it. Then he started crying and I thought it was because he didn't want to get in the car. Turns out I disolcated his elbow. I know that I'm a loving, caring mother and a good one at that. It's the thing I do best love my boys and look after them. BUT I can't get over the fact that I did this to my son - it kills me! The doctor at ER was fantastic he said very sternly "that you have done nothing wrong!!!" and that it was VERY COMMON. It still doesn't make it any easier. Thank you again for your website because reading this I know I'm not alone.

2:18 PM  

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