Monday, June 12, 2006

Walking the Gauntlet

Suddenly she found herself surrounded by an all-powerful Light,
and she knew then that God was before her. She fell to her knees, and from the burning bush she heard Him say:

"I shall place four Target stores within a 20-mile radius of your home. I shall tempt you with faux-Pottery Barn furniture and other affordably priced home accessories (in addition to clothing, baby gear, and electronics). You shall be forced to choose between shopping and saving for your child’s college education. You will be tempted many, many times, and it will be an arduous journey."


*********

Target. It's a dangerous, dangerous place. I swear, I drop more cash there than a drunk gambler at an Indian casino. Let me describe to you my most recent trip to Target, and then you tell me if I have a problem.

Scene: Me, clutching a scrap of paper in one hand with the words “baby pool” scrawled across it. My husband, following me with our 11-month old in tow. On the way into the store, I tell him: “I only need to get this ONE thing. Just the swimming pool. We’ll be in and out. I swear.”

"Swimming pool. Swimming pool....Focus. Focus. Do not look at ANYTHING else," I tell myself as we enter the store.

We walk past the clothing section. Uh, Target clothes? Eh, not so great. But wait! Are those t-shirts really on sale for $5 each? That’s not a bad deal. And I totally need some new t-shirts. Where else will I find a t-shirt this cheap? For $5 each, I don’t even need to try them on. Medium looks about right. I'll take five in a variety of colors.

OK, moving on…

What are we here for again? Oh yeah, the swimming pool. Would that be in the toy section or the garden section? Well, we'll just meander through...

Oh, shit, how did we get to the shoe aisle? Oooooh, these sandals are pretty cute! Is there a size 9 anywhere? Bingo. I’ll just flip off my shoes and try these on real quick. I don’t usually wear gold, but I think I like them. Husband, what do you think? Do these look cute on me? Oh, good. Good answer. OK, I’m gonna get these then.

Now on to the garden section…for the swimming pool, right? Right.

Oh what do we have here? Pottery-barn esque furniture at reasonable prices. My favorite part of Target! Do not look, I tell myself. Do. Not. Lo….Too late.

Out of the corner of my eye, I spy a totally cute retro red and sliver barstool. Love this! But wait. I don’t have a 50s-style kitchen. This might look kinda weird. Plus, I don’t really have a place to set up stools. Hmmmm. Well, perhaps this is just the inspiration piece I need to get started on a kitchen remodel. "What do you think, honey? What? OUCH! Don’t pull on my arm like that?! OK OK, I’m coming."

Finally, we arrive at the swimming gear aisle. I don’t see any child-size plastic pools. I only see pools that seat 10 adults. That’s not what I want.

Somewhat dejectedly, I head towards the checkout counter to pay for my t-shirts and new shoes. While sliding through my credit card, I turn around to see what the lady behind me is placing on the counter. Ooooh, is that a ride on toy?!

My own transaction is barely completed and Husband is already out the door. I wave him back inside. "LOOK. LOOK. I’ve been wanting to get one of these for Little Guy. Let’s go back in and get one."

(At this point, I actually think that my shopping frenzy was causing me to salivate uncontrollably.)

Husband protests and heads back out the door. I, of course, head back into the store with the eager determination of a firefighter dashing back into a burning building. I grab a ride-on toy off the shelf (Yes! One left!), and as I'm walking out of the store, I catch a glimpse of something I didn't see before in the swimming aisle. It's the ultimate baby swimming fantasy.

I am now in full zombie shopper mode and drool is running down my chin.

Husband has come back into the store looking for me.

"I’m SO glad I came back into the store to find the ride on toy. Look what else I found! This is the coolest baby pool I’ve ever seen. Little Guy is going to LOVE it."

"What? Why buy that?" says Husband. "He can just run through the sprinklers…for free!"

"Yeah, but he can’t really run yet. And we can only turn on our sprinklers every Tues, Thurs and Sun. What if we want to have some water fun on Saturday? We just MUST get this."

And we did. And the total bill came to around $100 for everything we bought. Even though I had planned on spending only $15 for a baby pool. But like a good little addict, I can rationalize all of this shopping behavior, as I needed every item I purchased.

And as far as the pool goes, sure it will take us 5 days to blow it up. And yeah, our dog will probably pop it with her claws as soon as we start using it. And OK, I guess we could have used the sprinklers to save a buck.


But doesn’t this pool look TOTALLY awesome? *wipes drool off chin*

67 Comments:

Blogger carrie said...

I am so going to Target tomorrow and looking for that very pool! How cute is that? While I am there, I am sure to be distracted by everything "not" on my list too. Always happens, never fails.

Hi, my name is Carrie and I am a Target Addict.

p.s. I did my Meme, thanks for the tag - it was my first!!! (I know, I'm a dork)

1:20 AM  
Blogger Lindsay said...

I want that pool ion a grown up version! I LOVE Target also.. it is dangerous for me to go there alone!!!! (but why take the Hubs when you know he will try and regulate everything you buy!)

5:14 AM  
Blogger Christina_the_wench said...

Oh my lord, have you tried the sugar-coated chocolate almonds yet? Hit THAT aisle next time. (glazed crazed look in her eyes)

5:26 AM  
Blogger Prosecutor/Mommy said...

Girl, I hear you about the siren call of the Target! I also went into Target to buy a baby pool this weekend and the bill came to 75 bucks because baby HAD to have the lawnmower toy and that blender was ONLY 17.99, etc., etc. ad nauseum. You have to post about how your pool works out, I bought the one on sale for 7.99. You made a smart choice about that little tikes scooter, my daughter LOVES to walk behind it, it's nice and sturdy and doesn't scoot out in front of her like toy shopping carts do.

6:18 AM  
Blogger sunshinedaily4me_wuz_here said...

Ok, the pool looks awesome and LOVE the shoes. I am so totally the same when it comes to Target (and other stores, but especially Target - they really know how to merchandise - and their buyers have great taste!) I can't get out of that store. It is all eye candy to me! I can't get out of Walmart for cheap either!

6:46 AM  
Blogger Pendullum said...

With all the great stuff you got you only spent $100... They were practiaclly giving it away...
I figure you had a work out spent some 'quality time' communicating with your hubby... You're good to go...
Now when are you going to Marshall's?

7:09 AM  
Blogger bubandpie said...

Your blog always makes me lust for not-available-in-Canada shopping! I'm gonna have to schedule that cross-border shopping spree soon...

7:21 AM  
Anonymous chelle said...

heheh That is so me shopping!!! Drive my husband NUTZ!

7:52 AM  
Anonymous mothergoosemouse said...

I want that pool. For myself. I don't care what it does to the grass. I NEED IT.

Is there a Target Anonymous group? Can I get a sponsor?

8:04 AM  
Blogger Mrs. Chicky said...

I recently bought about 6 or 7 of those t-shirts and I need that riding toy (I've been looking for one of those) and I NEED that kiddie pool and...

I need to get my credit limit raised so I can afford my Target habit. I got the shakes just reading this post. Seriously. Someone stage an intervention quick!

8:18 AM  
Blogger Kendra said...

That pool looks so cool. I haven't shopped at Target since I stopped working there last year after my youngest was born. But I used to come home every other day with something from the store. I need to check them out this weekend.

8:21 AM  
Anonymous mamatulip said...

I waver between being super pissed off that there are no Target's in Canada and being totally grateful that there are no Target's in Canada.

8:55 AM  
Blogger Mom Nancy said...

I'm exactly the same way at Wal-Mart. I never can figure out how I spend so much when, as I pick up ANOTHER THING, I'm thinking, "Oh, this is a good price and we need it."

I could see myself getting that way at Target, too, if I didn't know my budget limitations! Oh, and I love that pool! And the shoes, and I need new shoes. I may have to head over there soon.

11:01 AM  
Blogger the mad momma said...

I shop like a maniac here in India. I am too scared to take that much planned trip to the US - No amount of money on earth will be enough to pay for the shopping or the excess baggage!!!

11:07 AM  
Blogger Mommy off the Record said...

All this Target love is making me feel all warm and fuzzy and like I need to taken another trip back asap!

Carrie: what a coincidence that you're looking for the same pool! Ha! I'll be off to check out your meme soon.

Lindsay: a grown up version of the pool would be SO fun.

Christina: haven't tried the almonds, but I'll look for those next time. Yum. Anything with chocolate is my friend.

Prosecuter: glad to hear good things about the scooter. And thanks for visiting here. :)

Sunshine: eye candy is a great way to put it.

Pendullum: fortunately, the Target and the Marshalls are pretty close to me so I can do both on the same trip if I want. LOL

Bub and Pie/Mad Momma/Mama Tulip: I can't believe there are no Targets in Canada. I guess that means there are no Targets in India either. Perhaps they'll ship internationally if you purchase online. LOL

Kendra: if you go back, just be sure to leave your credit cards at home. You'll be much happier.

Mothergoosemouse: yes a TA group would be great. Not to be confused with T&A.

Mrs Chicky: you got the t-shirts too?! They're pretty nice huh?

11:25 AM  
Blogger jennster said...

i am going to marry target and have 10 thousand little target babies!

11:29 AM  
Blogger Kristen said...

That pool is AWESOME! I can't wait to have a yard! And I am at Target at least twice a week, so I totally get where you're coming from. Totally. But The Boyfriend is just as bad as I am, so he doesn't pull me back, but rather goads me on. Crap.

11:35 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

Target is evil. I can never get out of there without spending far too much money.

And that pool is adorable. If I didn't already have a plain baby pool, I would buy that one in a second. (But husband would never let me do that, since we have a perfectly good baby pool already.)

11:36 AM  
Blogger sherijberi said...

LOVE the burning bush. That's the same with Target...the items are purchased but their stock is rarely depleted. I'm adding you to my read daily list along with Kira's crankymommy.com - she is a good friend of mine.

Smiles
Sheri:) Mom of 2 (Girl 3.5 boy 9mo)

12:22 PM  
Blogger Mommy off the Record said...

Thanks for visiting me, Sheri. Our little boys are almost the same age. :)

12:46 PM  
Blogger lildb said...

I'll have you know that I am now in the process of readying myself and the child for a trip to Satan-land. Aka Target.

Didn't you know that you're not supposed to repeat the Sirens' song about that store? It's as bad as hearing it firsthand.

Now I have to have a) those shoes, b) that pool, and c) that ride-along toy, along with sundry beautification items, all for which the need-level is, at best, questionable. plus I'm hoping to score a few more pairs of those delicious, stretchy gaucho pants for $12 each or whatever cheap-ass number it is (those pants, btw, are this year's answer to the stretch pants of the eighties for new and old moms, alike). 'cause momma's getting *tired* of doing laundry just so she can get her can back into the fabulous pairs she already possesses.

p.s. I say all of this brazenness b/c I feel secure in the knowledge that you are aware of the level of affection I feel for you, sweets.

1:02 PM  
Blogger Kel said...

Ahhh Target. Bane of all of our existances.

I ALWAYS get more off my list when I go there, it's worse when I hit a SuperTarget and do grocery shopping as well.

I usually go into target muttering..I have a budget, I have a budget...I have a budget.......

1:42 PM  
Blogger Mommy off the Record said...

Oh, lildb, my posts are not complete until I find that you have left a comment. Truly. You are the sweetest.

And how funny that I also have a pair of gauchos from Target! I have the ones with the fabric belt. Could these be the same pair you have??

1:42 PM  
Blogger Babaloo said...

I have names for the Targets in my area. There is:
1.The Target that is close to our house (aka the Target I don't like)
2. The Target I like
3. My First Target (we never forget our first)
4. The New Target (they built after we moved)
5. My Daughter's Target
6. The Mall Target
7. The Mysterious Target (that I see from the freeway but have never been too)

Also, they are currently re-modeling/expanding the "Target I Don't Like," which means that after construction it might become my "Favorite Target."

Like I don't have enough problems...

1:43 PM  
Blogger Farm Girl said...

Isn't that just the cutest pool. I love it and so will little guy and I really LOVE Target. They must put something in their drinking water because everyone has the same reaction.

2:44 PM  
Blogger Catch said...

oh you and I have soo much in common when it comes to shopping....and the pool is so cute!!! Good buy!!! I would call myself a random shopper...sometimes I even get everything but what I came for! LoL

4:33 PM  
Blogger sunshine scribe said...

I couldn't be more jealous! Another Canuck here who is coveting your target. There are rumours they are on their way north so I can only hope...

4:54 PM  
Blogger cmhl said...

what an awesome pool!!! target is like crack..

5:52 PM  
Blogger Ruth Dynamite said...

The bulls eye logo is really a giant, money-sucking magnet that puts you in a trance: "Must buy Isaac Mizrahi fashions. Must buy plastic stuff. Must buy new bathroom rug..."

5:59 PM  
Anonymous Rose-Marie said...

Just say no, you can do it.

We don't have a Target store here. Am I lucky?

6:56 PM  
Blogger metro mama said...

That is one cool pool.

7:43 PM  
Blogger Mega Mom said...

And does yours have food too? Ours does, a full grocery store, which means about $100 a week for us. I'm a Targetaholic too :(

8:44 PM  
Anonymous wendy boucher said...

That pool is perfetto. No rationalization necessary. Everything else made perfect sense too. Besides, I thought it was the law that if you enter Target you have to drop $100. I do.

9:11 PM  
Blogger Mamacita Tina said...

OMG, I have to get that pool! Very, very cool.

Target needs to pay you for advertising! Big time.

You only spent $100, you should feel proud.

9:19 PM  
Blogger Nut's mom said...

I want.... I want.... I was at target yesterday trying to find Nut some new clothes because he has out grown everything tht he owns. Bear just didn't get it. it must be a girl thing.

9:21 PM  
Blogger Mommy off the Record said...

Mega Mom: your Target has a full grocery store in it? Uh oh, that's starting to sound a little bit like the Wal-Mart supercenters (*shudder*)

9:42 PM  
Blogger Happy0303 said...

Wow . . . that is a great pool. Your kids will love it!

I so totally LOVE Target! I always shop there on layovers (we don't have one in Hawaii). Once I bought so many things that I had to put them all in the lavatory (I'm a flight attendant)and lock the door just to bring everything home!

11:10 PM  
Anonymous Jenny said...

I LOVE THAT POOL!

Also, hell yes to everything you said. We have a Super Target 0ne mile from us and I practically live there. I'm looking for that pool tonight.

3:22 AM  
Blogger K. said...

LOL, my trip to the store to buy "JUST" a baby pool went a lot like yours. However, I did not take my Sweetie with me because had we experienced a similar scenario like the one you describe, we would have split up. Serious. He has no patience for me when I get in shopping mode. So I just go alone. That way, he doesn't see how much I spend. Makes everyone happy.

4:16 AM  
Anonymous Kvetch said...

I always call Target "The Hundred Dollar Store."

4:33 AM  
Blogger Petite Mom Blogger said...

I wish we had a target. I love it and whenever I go I buy way too much stuff.

That pool looks cool...I want one!

6:27 AM  
Blogger Damselfly said...

That is too funny, and I love the pool.

I can never leave Target without spending at least $100.

7:26 AM  
Blogger Catherine said...

There isn't a Target within a hundred and fifty miles of here... enough to seriously consider relocating. But it's so good to know I'm not the only Target devotee/enthusiast/fanatic out there!

9:11 AM  
Blogger Marla said...

http://slavetotarget.blogspot.com/

OH, you do not want to go here.

1:00 PM  
Blogger Mommy off the Record said...

Marla, oh my gosh, WHERE did you come across that blog?? It is great! How totally funny. I'm now going to check out that puff sleeve tee that she reviewed. LOL.

1:12 PM  
Blogger It's okay, Sweetie said...

This may be THE best post ever written.

EVER.

I was there with you. The whole way. I was wiping drool as I was read this. My heart sped up each time you found something new. I got my own wallet out when you were at the counter.

And bajeezus, look at all the women above who could relate to you! You gotta find a corporate email for Target and send this in to them. They'll freak with laughter.

I'm gonna show my husband this. He'll probably send you a sympathy card.

And by the way, that pool ROCKS. Just show your child this blog when he's home after highschool, applying for college scholarships. Yeah, I said scholarships, how else can anyone afford college in the year 3001?

2:23 PM  
Blogger Mom101 said...

You speak for so many of us! As opposed to having many targets nearby, the only one in all of NYC is BLOCKS from my apartment. People literally come to visit me just to go to Target.

How's this for pathetic: when I walk in I still browse the maternity section. I haven't been pregnant for a year.

3:46 PM  
Anonymous Nancy said...

Oh yes. I totally have to avoid Target unless I have several hours and unused dollars to spend.

Target is a dangerous place.

4:57 PM  
Blogger J's Mommy said...

sounds exactly like my last shopping trip except replace the pool with some birthday presents I was supposed to buy and ended up getting stuff for J and me!!

7:39 PM  
Blogger SugarMama said...

I have a Target that is less than a mile frommy house and so you can imagine how much trouble that is for my husband. hehe. I simply cannot stay away from that store!

7:48 PM  
Blogger Undercover Angel said...

I wish we had a target around here that I could go to! Everybody talks about Target, and I have no idea what it is... That pool is awesome by the way!

8:07 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Oh I HEAR Ya. I drop about $100 almost every week at that place! I LOVE Target. LOVE!

8:30 PM  
Blogger Great Day said...

I also went to Target today and spent far too much money. However my baby pool isn't as cool as your, so now I might have to go back.

I'll send my husband your way with all his gratitude!

8:46 PM  
Blogger Jodi said...

I too am a Target addict. Love that store, love it, love it, love it. And if Target is wrong, I don't wanna be right. :)

And that baby pool is TOOOOO cute. Love it. If husband can't see the value in that pool due to it's cuteness alone, well, then, he just has a PROBLEM! :) (hehehehe)

7:30 AM  
Blogger MommyWithAttitude said...

Hilarious! As everyone has said, it's not you... it's TARGET!

However, I tried on the gauchos and in the name of being kind to me, I'll just say that they were NOT designed with my body in mind.

I came here from Petroville, congratulations on your Perfect Post award.

11:42 PM  
Blogger sunshine scribe said...

Not one but TWO perfect posts. SO well deserved. Congratulations my friend. And by the way ... I love the new design!!

3:15 AM  
Blogger PaintingChef said...

I'm just impressed you made it out of the shoe aisle with onely one pair. I've NEVER been able to do that!

Congratulations on your Perfect Post!

7:52 AM  
Anonymous motherhooduncensored said...

Hahahaha. If only Target weren't TWO HOURS from my house.

Um. On second thought, that might not be such a bad idea.

However, my house always looks better (as do I) after I hit it.

9:13 AM  
Blogger soleclaw said...

Congratulations on the perfect post nomination! This definately qualifies!

We have a Target 5 minutes from our place, and I hate it! As a young teenager we had Target's everywhere, but after I moved to the sticks the only place to shop was the grocery store. Now that we live near a Target again I'm sooooo hooked.

5:32 AM  
Blogger lildb said...

yay *you*! for being awarded the perfect post by no less than *two* other bloggers!

(you know that this rhapsodic entry drove me to shop at the giant Satan/Targhetto, so obviously, there were more than a few people who fell sway to your diabolically clever influence. you genius, you. p.s. um, methinks it's about TIME that Target pay a little swag out in your direction for having done them such a good turn. ahem.)

9:04 AM  
Anonymous Izzy said...

Congrats! (and I actually HAVE that exact t-shirt and 5 others in assorted colors)

7:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm totally digging the pool. You should watch that your neighbors don't snatch it out of the backyard at night!

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