Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Missing in Action

I've looked under the couch cushions, in the closet, under my bed, in the refrigerator. And yes, I've even looked down my shirt.

I've looked everwhere and nothing. I'm about to send out a search party if they don't turn up soon. Come to think of it, I may as well ask you:

By any chance, has anyone seen my boobs?

Cuz I had 'em a few weeks ago and now *poof* they seem to have disappeared. Into thin air. Gone. AWOL. Splitsville. Perhaps Little Guy sucked them up with his last feeding?

Or maybe there's a booby thief hitting mommybloggers in the dead of night. I'm typically not into conspiracy theories, but I think it's just a little too coincidental that I'm not the only mommyblogger out there to lose her boobs recently.

But seriously, Boobs, wherever you are. Please come back. I have a new low-cut black dress that's begging to be filled out. Thanks.

Edited to add: False alarm everyone. I feel so lame. They were totally hiding in my butt the whole time. Thanks to Michele for reminding me to look there. I shoulda known.


Anonymous Moobs said...

I have a feeling I may have them. [Prods moobs]

2:08 AM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

DUDE. Mine too!

Do you think that they ran off together?

5:00 AM  
Anonymous Jenny said...

Were was the last place you saw them. Try to retrace your steps.

5:15 AM  
Blogger Michele said...

They'll turn up. Somewhere bad, like your butt or your thighs. Watch.

5:20 AM  
Anonymous mamatulip said...

I found mine.

By my belly button.

5:28 AM  
Blogger macboudica said...

Yeah, I lost mine, too. After an intensive investigation, I have concluded that they sank to my waistline.

5:56 AM  
Blogger Pattie said...

Maybe yours and mine took a vacation together...down South :(

6:56 AM  
Blogger Mommy off the Record said...

I'm LMAO at all of these comments. There's an excellent chance that mine are hiding in my butt. I'm off to investigate...

And then if I don't find them there, I'm coming after YOU Moobs.

7:02 AM  
Blogger Petite Mom Blogger said...

Mine are missing too! the comments here...

7:30 AM  
Blogger slackermommy said...

I'm still nursing and I'm shocked that my baby gets anything out of mine. I dread what they will look like when she weans. Baby #4 so it's gonna be BAD! I told hubby to start saving because there is a boob job and tummy tuck in my future.

7:45 AM  
Anonymous Much More Than A Mom said...

I think they have jumped off your chest and onto mine, because even my largest nursing bra is now v.e.r.y tight!

Our little family is doing a fundraiser for the Cancer Society @

As with most bloggers, you have, like, 99 875 more readers than I do, so I thought this would be a good place to pimp it ;-)

8:00 AM  
Blogger Farm Girl said...

That was the one downside to breastfeeding. My boobs were never the same again *sigh*, not that they were so great to begin with.

8:12 AM  
Blogger metro mama said...

Mine are MIA too.

8:16 AM  
Blogger Jodi said...

I found mine, they were hanging out by the waistband of my pants. Try looking there!

8:45 AM  
Blogger sunshine scribe said...

Mine have been MIA for years. I'd pay big bucks to get them back ... the actual ones not some new ones.

8:55 AM  
Blogger Andrea said...

I left mine on the OR table. By choice. And I hope the NEVER come back. The reduction was my first birth, weighing in at 11 pounds of tissue removed. Yup. ELEVEN POUNDS. Gabe weighed 8 pounds when he was born.

I still have more boob than I want. You can have some. I'm all about sharing. Maybe a little black dress would be in my future then.

8:58 AM  
Blogger Crystal Breeze said...

I found mine after I gained 20 lbs. I would give you some if I could but then I would not have none left to go with the rest of my beautiful body....

10:38 AM  
Blogger Nikkie said...

I had the opposite problem. I didn't lose mine, I got more. I thought when I was done nursing that they'd shrink down, but nope they stayed the same. I wish I could share!

10:46 AM  
Blogger Dirty Birdie said...

I'm a 38DD pregnant, I was a 36D, if post baby I can go down to a 34/36 C I'll be one happy momma.

11:10 AM  
Blogger Babaloo said...

Might I be as bold as to suggest you ask your husband? Mine knows where mine are. All. The. Time. (no matter what size were, are or will ever be in the future!)

Now, where is that "Anonymous" option... gah, to late.

11:10 AM  
Anonymous Izzy said...

I think they all ran off to Vegas together. How dare they go without us!

12:01 PM  
Blogger virtualsprite said...

I'm sure mine are in Vegas with the rest of yours. They deflated like baloons after a party when I stopped nursing, dammit.

12:41 PM  
Blogger dcrmom said...

I wish I'd lose mine!

1:02 PM  
Blogger lildb said...

I know, right?

here I am, trying to think positively about looking cute and attractive and somewhat boobalicious for my weekend away, and all I can think is, why do I have one sorta-breast and one non-breast? (although the one feeding/day on just one side might be the culprit I ought to be staring down.)

yeah. bleah.

1:25 PM  
Blogger Oh, The Joys said...

This is so unfair. Mine are EXACTLY the size they were before the babies (32F)...did you HEAR THAT? 32 effing FFFFFFFFFFFF! I was really hoping the would go away, but nooooooooo.

1:33 PM  
Blogger carrie said...

Oh I am so sorry, mine disappeared 9 years ago only to return with the feeding of brother #2 and sister #3. Call the guard!


2:11 PM  
Blogger Gingers Mom said...

I still have mine thank God, but they disappeared very quickly once I weaned my firstborn. I have been pregnant or nursing since then so I am afraid to see what will happen to them after I quit nursing #3. Good luck!

2:33 PM  
Blogger Catch said...

mine got bigger after each baby....started in a c up to a double d....thank goodness Im not having anymore babies!

3:02 PM  
Anonymous Colleen said...

Uh-oh. We're on the path to weaning over here. Should I be keeping my boobs locked down for fear they'll flee?

3:09 PM  
Blogger Mommy off the Record said...

Andrea: finally something we DON'T have in common. Who would have thought it would be our boobs!

Oh the Joys: 32F? Wow. As someone who can probably squeeze herself into a 34A now, I think I speak for us both when I say, Can't we just find a happy medium? I think a small to med C cup would be nice.

3:11 PM  
Blogger Dirty Birdie said...

Too bad Oh the Joys can't donate some of her extra ;)

Would it be nice to share the booby love? Freakin' F's!! Do you need a back brace to keep from falling over? You poor thing.

4:27 PM  
Anonymous emma said...

I don't know what to tell you. I still have mine but without an underwire bra they are like socks with tennis balls in the toes. It's just a case of embracing their new 'shape' or going for implants.

6:36 PM  
Anonymous chelle said...

hehe ummm yeah so do not have that problem, except that I worry I will be looking for my breasts around my knees in ten years!!!

7:03 PM  
Blogger Nut's mom said...

I WISH I could lose my titties!! they are such a freaking hassle!!!

8:27 PM  
Blogger Mary Tsao said...

I'm scared to go for a fitting. I'm worried I'm back to being a AAA.

If my boobs were bigger, my ass might look smaller. Right?

10:16 PM  
Blogger crazymumma said...

God...mine are just getting bigger...I think david is putting something in my water. I would prefer no boobs to the things I carry around now....

10:16 PM  
Blogger Tracie said...

I'm glad to hear that you found them--they always go the last place you want them too, don't they!

11:37 PM  
Blogger Catherine said...

Aww, and I really liked the running off to Vegas theory. Then there could have been the follow-up post where you go on a vacation/boobhunt to find them. :)

12:54 AM  
Blogger Waya said...

If you happen to find yours, can you tell them I'm looking for mine too. Did you know that they shrink and shrivel to a smaller size than pre-pregnant? No? Maybe it's just me!!

5:17 AM  
Blogger Chantal said...

They'll come back! But only if you have another baby. The human body is a real bitch, forcing you to procreate for the sake of a nice set of tits.

6:29 AM  
Blogger EC said...

LOL! you just crack me up.

by the way, I'm only 32 and I lost mine a long time ago, and I'm still looking for them!

7:14 AM  
Blogger Michele said...

Glad I could help. I only spoke from experience, of course. Ha!
Now if only someone could tell us how to get them back where they belong...
(OMG! Suddenly I have that song UP WHERE WE BELONG by Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes in my head! ...Lift us up where we belong! *snort*)

8:00 AM  
Blogger beth said...

Actually I was going to fess up to the fact that I took 'em. They're here, on my weighed down breastfeeding nummy chest. They're just hangin' out. I know. The pun. It's awful. It just came out though...

9:34 AM  
Blogger Lisa said...

That's where mine were too. Only I can't seem to get them back to where they used to be.

12:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

girl, you kill me!!!! That's so hilarious!!!!!

4:05 PM  
Blogger Queso said...

They're probably next to your keys.

6:19 PM  
Blogger IMMomsDaughter said...

Heh heh I love this post. Mine went down one size to NO size after I stopped bf :( Now, I suspect they've came back in the form of spare tyres around my waist *sob sob*

9:30 PM  
Blogger Karla said...

I can share some if you want. I have enough to go around

12:14 PM  

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