Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Finally Some Quality Television

Amazing: Flavor Flav got his own reality TV show last year.

More Amazing: His show was so popular that he got signed on for a second season.

Most Amazing: I watched the whole first episode of the new season last night.

Yep, that's 60 minutes of my life that I will never, ever get back. So I figured why not waste more of my time and write a post on it?

If you haven't seen this show yet, you are really missing out. It's basically The Bachelor except with Flavor Flav as the prize and with many more sleazy hot tub scenes. But what got me hooked was the dialogue. The girls and Flav can get really deep. Here are some of my favorite quotes from the first episode:

On spirituality
"I'm looking for someone I can grow with spiritually cuz I just got saved...and when you speakin' in tongues, that means you confirmed you're going to heaven."--Hood

"I ain't never heard nobody talk in tongues. I mean, I tongue-kissed somebody, but I ain't never heard the Lord talk through me in tongues." --Buck Wild

On Striking an Emotional Connection

"[Flav] was sittin' next to me and he could feel my buck wild body heat radiatin'." --Buck Wild

On Finding Mr. Right
"None of these girls here are gonna stop what I'm doing. I'm on a mission to get my man and I'm gonna get 'im." --Buckeey

"You cooler than a polar bear's toenails, dog." --Buck Wild to Flav

Flav on Himself
"I go down there and there are all these girls are lined up. My oh my, Flavor Flav. You the King. You. the. KING. Once again." --Flavor Flav
Seriously, if you haven't seen this show yet, you just must watch at least one episode so we can make fun of it together. I'm begging you.


Blogger cameo said...

i've made the attempt to watch this show - but it's soooooooooo pitiful, i just can't!
i mean, come the fuck on! Flavor Flav? whatever! and what happened to the chick who got 'her man' last season?
shows like this just deplete the brain cell supply!
i just can't bring myself to do it.
and it hurts, literally, it's painful to me. these people are real! that's such a sad thing! and they breed - that's even worse! aughhhhh!
you're a stronger woman than i!

12:28 AM  
Blogger Mommy off the Record said...

From what I understand Flavor Flav got dumped by the girl he picked last season. I can't believe I know that.

But anyway, you're right, Cameo. It IS sad. Part of me feels bad for making fun...especially since the dude has 6 children by 2 women. Not good.

But I must say that I do have my limits--I draw the line at watching Jerry Springer. There are just some lines I won't cross, ya know?

12:44 AM  
Anonymous Jenny said...

I would but I heard what's coming up later this season and I'm not sure I can actually bring myself to watch a woman poop on the floor. (Yep, you heard me right)

Watching Kevin and Britney's "Chaotic" was hard enough.

3:32 AM  
Blogger K. said...

That was going to be my question - about the girl who won last season. :)

I found this show at the end of season one and I spent an entire NIGHT watching the reruns as they played back every episode. So I lost more time out of my life than you have on this man and his idiotic show. Don't even ask my why I watched the whole stupid thing; but it was entertaining when one of the girls spit in another one's face.

4:21 AM  
Blogger Mrs. Chicky said...

After what Jenny said I think I have to start watching now. Not that I want to see someone have a bowel movement but I want to see what leads the person to that moment. That's quality television, right there.

4:51 AM  
Anonymous mamatulip said...

LOL -- we watched The Surreal Life when he was on it and mackin' Brigette Neilson, and then the show that was created as a result of his trying to mack her...what was it called? When he went to Italy or wherever she lives and tried to woo her away from her poolboy-esque fiance? Kinda like a car crash, those shows were.


5:28 AM  
Blogger Catherine said...

While I do miss Brigitte and the love triangle they had goin' on, I will definitely try to catch an episode or two. Lately, "to make fun" is the ONLY reason I watch TV anymore.

5:49 AM  
Blogger Chantal said...

I gave up that hour I'll never get back to watching "Chaotic" with Britney and Kevin. I wanted to put battery acid in my eyes after that.

I'm afraid to watch Flava get all philosophical like. Does that mean he'll tell me that 911 is NOT a joke?

6:01 AM  
Blogger Stephanie A. said...

Wow, you've got some stamina. I think after spending 60 minutes watching that you could pretty much do anything now! Who knew that Flavor Flav could be so empowering?

6:17 AM  
Blogger Mommy off the Record said...

Mama Tulip: I believe the show with Brigette Neilson was called Strange Love. Not that I watched it or anything (well, maybe ONE episode, but just for the Italian scenery).....but bless you for telling us that you watched The Surreal Life AND Strange Love and not making me feel like a total dork for writing this :)

And re. Britney's Chaotic, I saw part of the first episode once and I could. not. believe. my eyes. I just couldn't watch anymore. THAT was sad.

6:41 AM  
Blogger Queso said...

I love it. And please tell me that the "roses" are still giant clock necklaces. Because that was my favorite and my best.

6:46 AM  
Blogger Self-Proclaimed Supermom said...

EWWWWW, he scares me.


7:15 AM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

You've got me intrigued. And I need more things to make fun of, so, hmm...

7:27 AM  
Blogger cameo said...

'line at Jerry SPringer' - you're funny! ;)

8:07 AM  
Blogger Mommy off the Record said...

Yep, the clocks are still the roses. (“You know what time it is!”)

8:22 AM  
Anonymous Ginny said...

Not gonna do it. Sorry, I just can't watch it--though it would be fun to make fun of I'm sure.

8:25 AM  
Blogger kim said...

i heard about this yesterday from a girlfriend of mine at work ... she was
raving about it and saying how hysterical it was in a "train wreck" kinda way

8:28 AM  
Anonymous mothergoosemouse said...

Jenny and Mrs. Chicky (re the upcoming BM): Don't believe the hype.

Sorry. I couldn't help myself.

8:46 AM  
Anonymous Poopydigs said...

He sure does have his choice of quality women.

cough. choke. ahem. ick.

9:00 AM  
Blogger virtualsprite said...

Oh, this does make me want to get cable.

You guys are too funny!

9:37 AM  
Blogger jennster said...

but the one girl SHIT ON THE FLOOR. SHIT ON IT! SHIT!

10:03 AM  
Blogger Chantal said...

Okay, someone please tell me this girl was offered a million dollars? Or is psychotic and on meds?

She didn't just shit on the floor did she? To impress him?

10:10 AM  
Blogger Babaloo said...

OMG! I watched this show too. I couldn't manage to look away. I watched most of the first season, some of Strange Love and some of Surreal Life. The "shock and awe" just never wears off.

I vote for regular posts "mocking" Flavor of Love! Did you jot those quotes down from memory or did you take notes?

You know what? Don't answer that!

10:28 AM  
Blogger Mommy off the Record said...

Alright, I have a confession to make. I didn’t watch the whole show. What happened is that I was trying to Tivo the Daily Show (which is 30 minutes long) and this was taped instead so I watched it, but only the first half of the first show. So, technically it was 30 minutes of my life wasted watching it and 30 minutes of my life spent watching it again to copy down the quotes (yes, Babaloo, I did write down the quotes. Now you know the lengths I will go to to write a post. I have no shame. And no life. Obviously.) Anyway, I saw the previews of the pooping, but didn’t actually get to see it. Talk about a bummer. Anyone want to share the details? Actually, I’m not sure I wanna know.

10:48 AM  
Anonymous Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

I haven't watched it yet. I watched the "Surreal Life" just because he was in it - but I wasn't ever tempted to try to watch "Strange Love".

But I love Flav...

10:55 AM  
Blogger Dirty Birdie said...

This is like a dating show for hood rats and wanna be pimps. He is so gross and the women on that show make trailer park trash look classy.

I think I just lost my appetite.

11:14 AM  
Blogger Nikkie said...

Oh my lord, why oh why haven't I heard of this show! I have to watch it just to see how stupid this is! It looks just hysterical to mouth off about!

11:40 AM  
Blogger Andrea said...

I have avoided this trainwreck becuase I watched that Surreal Life season with him on it, and I found myself shouting at the TV like a crazy person. Mostly at Flav. Re: the shitting thing. My coworker saw that episode on Sunday night. She shit on the floor. In the living room, and then on the stairs. Who thinks about avoiding shit on stairs? I'm too busy looking up to where I'm going than down at my feet. And apparently, those stairs lead to where all the sleeping quarters are. Everyone has to use the stairs. That's one mean woman, shitting on the stairs. I think she should win. Talk about "eliminating" the competition. Geddit?? Eliminating?

I can't stand the teeth either. His mouth cost more than my house and he still looks like he's missing some teeth. Oh wait, they're there. I just couldn't see them because the light in the room was too bright and I was blinded.

12:04 PM  
Blogger Crazy MomCat said...

Too hilarious. Babaloo told me about your post after reading mine. We both had bad-tv on the brain, I guess. HA! Thanks for the laugh! I haven't watched Flav's show. I was too traumatized by watching he and Brigette Nielson make out on Surreal Life last year. FREAKY!

12:25 PM  
Blogger Mommy off the Record said...

Andrea, you crack me up. Thanks for the recap.

12:41 PM  
Blogger The Daring One said...

Are you sure you really want us to make fun of it with you? Maybe you're hooked and you're just trying to trick us into sharing your Flavarific obsession.

3:13 PM  
Blogger Nut's mom said...


3:35 PM  
Blogger lildb said...

I don't know, man.

I really, really don't know if I can sit through even five whole seconds of this, um, "show," as you so generously refer to it. but I shall make a concerted effort, C, for you. because I lurve you. (and if this isn't proof positive, I don't know what.)

I remember when I had actual *respect* for Flava.

sigh. I'm old as the hills. older.

8:15 PM  
Blogger Piece of Work said...

wait, I thought I saw a reality show on it with him and brigette nelson--as newlyweds. Did they divorce already?

8:18 PM  
Blogger Oblivious Maven said...

I saw a little of it, caught it when he said he didn't want it to be Jerry Springer? Looked "Jerry" to me!

Anyway, it was during the Playboy Girlfriends show on E! and, well, I like that show better. Does that make me better somehow? Hmmmm. Maybe not, lol.

8:54 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

I hear there's an episode where a contestant poops or something...

9:55 PM  
Blogger Kristen said...

I've seen bits and pieces and it cracks me up.

10:08 PM  
Blogger Ruth Dynamite said...

PLEASE tell me he's smarter than he looks and sounds. He must be, right? Right??? I'm desperate here. Yes - I saw the show when Brigitte Drunken Ho Nelson (sp?) was slobbering all over Flav. Haven't seen the new one yet, but I'll watch it if I can stomach it...(then we'll laugh)

6:40 AM  
Blogger Kel said...

I've not watched the first episode yet and I'm dying to.

It looks like it's gonna be worse than the first, and that's saying something!

7:59 AM  
Blogger Nikki said...


I haven't even heard of this show (sorry, don't watch much TV)

I would rather watch flies mating - and that shouldn't be a problem considering that some chick poops on the floor.


12:50 PM  
Blogger Marcie said...

I watched a few episodes of "Flavor Flaaaaaaaaaavv" when I was at my Mom's house(we don't have cable at home). It was like watching a train wreck and I couldn't help myself. I had. to. look.
And please tell me who is more pathetic? Flavor Flav? Or the girls who want to date him? Eewwww!
I'll admit it. I was extremely entertained by the whole thing.

8:33 AM  
Blogger carrie said...

Yeah Booooys!! I can't believe that show is on again, VH1, right? I guess that means I'll have to give up an episode of "Gene Simmons Family Jewles" to watch Flava in actio! Too fun . . . too weird!


12:23 AM  
Anonymous Izzy said...

The irony is that when he was in Public Enemy...he was like this silly mascot with his big old clock around his neck. He sang on maybe one song, right? And for that small, albeit mildly entertaining contribution, he has risen to such heights of stardom and has women vying to be his um...whatever. It's like the whole universe has been turned on it's ear. The hell?

3:39 PM  
Blogger MQ said...

I don't know where to begin to say how much I hate this show, all of the three seconds of the promo that I saw...makes me want to vomit...

9:08 PM  
Blogger Queue said...

I saw it last season and I hate it with a passion, and this season is making it worse for me. As a black woman I can't watch that and be okay with it. I just can't. it makes me sad about the world my daughter is coming up in. so very sad.

8:13 PM  
Blogger Mona said...

Flavor Flav's face is like a car wreck. I can't look away. Why am I drawn into his siren call of "FLAVA FLAV!!!"?

8:02 PM  

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