Monday, August 07, 2006

I've Still Got it After All These Years

What is is about a tween in a catholic school uniform and knee-high socks that gets middle-aged men all hot under the collar? I swear, I never got more cat calls and up-and-down stares than when I was in elementary school.

There was this time in 6th grade that my two best friends and I were hanging out after school chatting together on a streetcorner, when all of a sudden a car sped by and out flew three poloroids. We began rapidly talking over each other.
"What the hell was that?"

"You go pick it up."

"No you!"

"I'll do it."

"What is that?"

"It's a french fry. Someone holding a french fry."

"Let me see it."

"Turn it around this way."

"That's not a french fry. That's a...."

"A penis!"
Yep, some dude had thrown close-ups of himself masturbating at three innocent 12-year-old girls. Eww. That was the borderline pedophila stuff.

As I entered high school, the cat calls continued; however, to my relief they were usually hurled from the windows of cars holding guys much closer to my age. Cute guys. Guys could actually date me "legally." It was still lewd and wholly inappropriate, but I won't lie and say that I wasn't, in a weird way, flattered. Not that I should have been. I mean, they were yelling at anyone in a skirt. And I just happened to be passing by while their testosterone was peaking. But still, it made me feel powerful. Pretty. Admired.

Sick, I know. I should seek couseling. Probably.

But on to the main point.

In the last few years, I've noticed that I'm not getting any. Attention, that is. In fact, over the last three years or so, I've barely received an unwanted glance. Not even a whistle. Nothing. And it has been kind of disconcerting. Because God help me, I want a little attention. For old times' sake. Just one little comment. One little, "hey baby." I want to feel like I still have "it". The "it" being whatever makes men stop and drool and toss out an inappropriate remark. I couldn't have lost it so soon, could I?

Then finally, it happened.

As I was walking to work last week, I passed a man on the street and heard him say, "Oooh baby."

I couldn't believe it. I turned around. Was he talking to me?

Oh yes, it was undeniable. He was clearly staring me up and down. I began to blush and get that old feeling back. The feeling of female prowess. The feeling that I could turn my head, ignore him and walk away, leaving him longing and drooling. The feeling that I still had it!

And yes, by God, I did. I still had it! After all these years. And this just proved it to me.

I went on my way. It was juvenile and egotistical and shallow, I know, but I felt rejuvinated. I had finally been noticed by someone. Finally.

So what if he was drunk. And homeless. I don't care what you say--it still counts!


Blogger Waya said...

OMG! That was hilarious! I was laughing out loud b/c as much as we, mothers, don't want to admit's nice to get a "whistle" or a stare once in a while from someone else besides our spouses, while pushing the double stroller w/milk stained shirt on.

Did I just wish that out loud?!

4:33 AM  
Blogger sunshine scribe said...

You crack me up. I know if we lived closer we'd have a hoot. That is so something I'd say/think.

And yes .. it absolutely counts.

4:51 AM  
Blogger h&b said...

Ha !

Well, I think that's all I can say, without having mine child taken away from me ...

But yes ... hear ya ... yes ... ;)

5:01 AM  
Blogger Christina_the_wench said...

Drunk and homeless..lmao.

Work it! *snaps finger*

5:26 AM  
Blogger Jodi said...

HEHEHEHE. That is FUNNY. :) So glad you got a look and a "ohhhhh baby!". you sure as hell still got it sister....

5:26 AM  
Anonymous Kvetch said...

Oh it so totally still counts. You betcha.

5:33 AM  
Blogger Pattie said...

That made me laugh out loud! Oh, and that picture is priceless. I actually saw that for the first time hanging in a cafe in Italy. I felt that woman's discomfort and humiliation and I remembered how I used to HATE that feeling! However, now that it doesn't happen anymore, I guess I could say I miss it in a sick twisted kind of way :)

6:45 AM  
Blogger Mom101 said...

Having now met you, honey you deserve those catcalls! And not just the drunken homeless ones.

6:45 AM  
Blogger Mrs. Davis said...

I'm laughing about your comment about the catholic school uniform. We were sorting through old boxes at my parents' house this summer, and I found that my mom had packed away my old plaid skirt from high school The look on my husband's face when I pulled it out and held it up was priceless. And I said one word (much to the amusement of my older siblings, who were all watching)...NO.

6:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yep, I know what you mean. I don't pay enough attention to people to notice when I'm getting stares, but the hubby does, and he doesn't like it when guys stare at me! He tells me they stare, I secretly like it. It's nice to know that after you've had 2kids and are uncomfortable with your present weight, that men still find you attractive!!!

7:08 AM  
Anonymous Poopydigs said...

How funny. Thanks for the laugh.

Great to hear you still have resale value.

7:29 AM  
Anonymous Jill Urbane, The Mentor Mom said...

Great, my daughter starts kindergarten at a Catholic school which requires uniforms in three weeks. I can see myself now telling her as we get into the car "Now honey remember, no picking up pictures that men throw out their car window."

And I agree with the others, it counts.

7:44 AM  
Blogger Tracie said...

Too funny!! my co-worker just gave me a funny look for I have to go now before she comes to see what I am doing!!

8:14 AM  
Blogger metro mama said...

I'm not ashamed to admit, I love that feeling.

8:14 AM  
Blogger dcrmom said...

Yep. I'm with Metro Mama. It doesn't happen very often anymore, but when it does... Yippeeeee! :-)

8:35 AM  
Blogger Nikkie said...

That is just hysterical! There is something that makes you feel good in some twisted way about being honked at when your pushing your little guy in the stroller on the way to the store.

One time before I had the baby I almost caused an accident when walking down the street. The guy stared at me too long and almost rear-ended the guy infront of him! To this day it still makes me feel good in an odd sort of way!

8:50 AM  
Blogger Mommy off the Record said...

Glad I'm not the only one who likes this kind of attention. LOL

And wow, Nikki, you've REALLY got it going on if you almost caused an accident. Ha!

9:42 AM  
Blogger Andrea said...

It totally counts. The only difference between him and some frat boys in college is the homeless part. Frat boys can't even deny the smell, sometimes.

It's worse when you think the whistle might be for you only to realize they like your friend. Your tall, skinny friend with the long curly hair. Yeah, that sucks butt.

11:44 AM  
Blogger Chantal said...

I noticed the same thing a while back. No one is giving me lewd remarks! Assholes.

I would have gone back and kissed him (and then bleached my lips, but still).

12:54 PM  
Blogger Babaloo said...

It has been a reeeeeeaaaaaaallly long time that has happened to me. So your homeless guy experience is sounding pretty good to me. LOL

1:00 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

Congrats! As much as I might roll my eyes when it happens to me, I have to admit I like it, too.

Of course, it hasn't happened to me in a long time. Never thought I'd miss having truckers honking and waving at me as I drove past them on the highway.

1:12 PM  
Anonymous mothergoosemouse said...

The thought of you girls picking up those photos is alternately hilarious and revolting. A French fry?!

MOTR, you are beautiful, and I'm sure it's not just me and the drunk homeless guy who think so.

1:12 PM  
Blogger lildb said...

yeah. totally.

next time I'm in the area and we can hang out, I think we'd better go dancing, or something silly.

'cause someone needs a little attention, and I'm not necessarily talking about you.

1:13 PM  
Blogger lildb said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

1:14 PM  
Blogger sunshinedaily4me_wuz_here said...

hee hee - its always nice to get noticed!

2:03 PM  
Anonymous wendy boucher said...

It sure does count but curse you for bringing up something that I hadn't thought about for ages because it's been ages since there was a catcall aimed at me. Argh. I don't care, I don't care, I don't care...yeah, I care a little. Good for you.

2:06 PM  
Blogger Amber said...

I felt the same way last month when I got a double-take from a construction worker as I drove by. Of course, he could't see that I was bloated and nine months pregnant at the time. I guess I still look OK from the next up. :-)

2:15 PM  
Blogger Mamacita Tina said...

rough day here at home, I sooooo needed that laugh - THANKS!

2:21 PM  
Blogger Kelly said...

I'd take anything I could get these days. Lately all I get is a "you look pretty momma!" And that's from a 4-year-old.;)

3:14 PM  
Blogger Happy0303 said...

ROFLMAO! It definitely counts . . . unless he was a blind homeless person.

3:23 PM  
Blogger Catch said...

haha..your too funny! We all like whistles and winks.....and an ohhh baby is worth more than a whistle!!!! I dont care of he was blind!!! It still counts girlfriend!!! Huggs

5:14 PM  
Blogger virtualsprite said...

That is too funny! I totally know what you mean, though.

7:03 PM  
Blogger Petite Mom Blogger said...

Oh counts. Don't ya just love it?

8:00 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Chicky said...

Aww, I want some bum to whistle at me too. I'd take a snide remark about my ass from a 14 year old kid right about now.

8:02 PM  
Blogger Oblivious Maven said...

It started feeling strange that no-one (meaning: desirable) hit on me and my girlfriend anymore when we went out....then I realized that we were Moms (must radiate from our pores) and I didn't really care, I wanted to hang out with her. Then later, with all the MILF talk, I realized that sometimes I do care. A lot.

(Side-Note: Let me add that the letters I just had to type on the anti-spam were amazinging nuts, lol.)

8:13 PM  
Blogger shpprgrl said...

Yes, it counts no matter what. Attention is good, unless they are creepily scary!

8:14 PM  
Anonymous roo said...

Woo-hoo! Hey baby! You got some fries to go with that shake?

8:28 PM  
Blogger Mommy off the Record said...

OK, Roo, this is gonna sound kinda weird, but it kinda turns me on when you talk to me like that. LOL

8:55 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

THat is so funny. And yup, I'd take it as a compliment too!

9:18 PM  
Blogger MommyWithAttitude said...

Drunk and homeless... I'm cracking up! But yes, who complains about a little attention?

11:24 PM  
Blogger Ruth Dynamite said...

Sad, isn't it? I go to a gross supermarket almost every day because I sometimes get random compliments from one of the baggers. (Me=L-O-S-E-R)

3:29 AM  
Blogger Jamie said...

Great!!! Wonderful post!! Way too funny!! I love it!!!

8:06 AM  
Anonymous yogamama said...

It totally counts! (Hey, just because he's homeless and drunk, doesn't mean he has no taste!)
I came home the other day and proudly announced to my husband, "I got checked out!" Suddenly it didn't matter that it was by some yucky old guy with a long beard in a beat-up truck. You know, the kind of guy who would creep me out in my old life. Actually I'm getting creeped out all over again as I write this. . . ew. Nevermind.

9:09 AM  
Blogger ~d said...

I was here. I am rendered speechless.
~d heart MOTR

10:09 AM  
Blogger jennster said...

LMFAO!!!!! dirty whore, how come when i cat call you, it's not good enough?!?! I HUMPED YOUR LEG! you are never satisfied!

10:30 AM  
Blogger Mike said...

You still have the school girl outfit? If so break it out for hubby.

That picture you posted in in a pizza place near where I work.

12:18 PM  
Anonymous Missi said...

Yes it does!!! You rock!

1:45 PM  
Blogger MQ said...

LOL! I feel the same way.

I love that Sex and the City episode when Miranda keeps getting cat-called by the construction workers while she's going through a dry-spell. One day she's so desparate for sex she turns to them and she's like, "Yeah?! You wanna do it? Right now!!" and he's all, "Jeez lady I'm married." I laugh everytime...

2:22 PM  
Blogger Dirty Birdie said...

It TOTALLY counts. You go girl!

2:46 PM  
Blogger carrie said...

Whoo hoo, yup, you still got it! And it counts no matter WHO said it!


3:37 PM  
Blogger Catherine said...

Girl, you are HILARIOUS!

A french fry, huh?? I suppose someone who's built like a french fry HAS to hit on 12-year-olds?!

Excellent Post!!

9:06 PM  
Blogger K. said...

It does count dear. Because I lost my "it" the second I got pregnant and it has not come back yet. Probably never will.

4:19 AM  
Blogger Damselfly said...

You go, girl! Work that plaid skirt! =:+[]

5:07 PM  
Anonymous Izzy said...

Dude...I feel ya. I'm in the same place. But here's a sick one for you. The last time I recall getting cat-called was when I was pregnant.
It was about 10% flattering and 90% hurlworthy.

3:44 PM  
Blogger IMMomsDaughter said...

I'm so jealous!You've still got it babe :)

9:56 PM  
Blogger kittenpie said...

Ha!~ Can you send him my way? i could use a little of that myself.

3:13 PM  
Anonymous Marmite Breath said...

Right on! Some hottie smiled at me in Target the other day and I was high for the rest of the evening. It happens so rarely, that when it happens, man, it's amazing! So I'm happy for you, and wishing you many more leers, winks, whistles and grins from strange men. It keeps it interesting. :)

8:56 PM  
Blogger Red Rollerskate said...

Dude, I think about this all the time. Like somewhere around age 28, the cat calls stopped. The glances stopped. I *know* I still got it, but, um, no one else seems to be noticing.
My hubby and I discussed this too. It's hard on the ego.
Now we know why the stereotype about 45 year-old divorcees wearing hot pink stretchy shirts and too-short skirts is true.
But, I have seen you before, and you still got it. No worries.

10:14 PM  

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