Sunday, May 21, 2006

A Golf Widow's Revenge

Question:
What do you do when your husband leaves you at home alone with the baby all day on Saturday so that he can go play golf...again...for the 3rd weekend in a row?
Answer:
On the following day, take him with you and the baby to the mall. Try to go when there are lots of big sales going on and it's really crowded.

Tell him it won't take long...you just need to make a quick stop to return something. Then, after quickly returning your item and heading toward the mall exit, make sure to pass by your favorite clothing store. Get all excited and tell him that you just have to stop in for a second to try on that cute outfit in the window. Don't wait for his protests. Just walk right in.

Begin to try on every item of clothing within your reach. On your way to the dressing room, walk past him with a huge pile of clothes and enjoy the deer-in-the-headlights look on his face.

Walk out of the dressing room at least twice and ask him to get you another size of something. Duck back into the dressing room and cackle to yourself quietly.

Ensure that he doesn't leave to go to the food court by insisting that he look at everything you try on. Each time you walk out, ask him, "Does this make me look fat?" Make sure you like his answers.

Spend extra time in the store if there is loud, annoying music playing.

Repeat these activities in as many stores as you feel like until you find an outfit, or two or three, that you want to buy for yourself. Let money be no object.

Savor his annoyed expression throughout your shopping trip.
Payback. It's a bitch, aint it?

49 Comments:

Blogger carrie said...

Hee, Hee. I may need to steal your idea sometime. Shhh . . . don't tell Hubby!!

10:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love it! But you forgot one thing...get dressed in something difficult to get out of (evening gowns are good) and then tell your husband that he needs to find a changing room to change the baby because you'll be awhile trying to get the dress off. Then when he gets back be finishing off a lemonade and a pretzel in front of the store.

~Jenny
http://blogs.chron.com/mamadrama/

2:12 AM  
Blogger Kel said...

Priceless!

I'll have to use that next time I need to settle the score with Hubby.

3:27 AM  
Anonymous rhonda said...

LOL that is fabulous :)

5:32 AM  
Blogger Pattie said...

That is so funny!
If he decides to do the golf day for the fourth time next weekend,then on Sunday you hand him the baby and say "honey, I'm just going to run a quick errand" and shop ALONE for as long as you please :)

6:08 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

Perfect! Ugh, I hate golf - thank goodness my husband doesn't play it. Of course, you could substitute golf with role-playing games and that would be my husband.

6:09 AM  
Blogger Christina_the_wench said...

Golf widows unite! Our husbands must never meet.
You need to hit the Bath and Body Works ~drools~ and get your nails done. As he sits out front, wave and smile from the back of the salon, taking your time picking out the perfect color. Is adding a pedicure too much?

7:02 AM  
Blogger Andrea said...

If I liked shopping and the hubby liked golf, that would be perfect! (I know, I'm not allowed to be a girl since I don't like to shop.) But this does give me an idea for my own next post.

But since you're so brilliant coming up with revenge, maybe you can help me with this situation: Hubby and I have a rather large group of friends (most from his sister's high school days ~ yes, he hangs out with his sister ~ and some from college that all moved back to our neck of the woods upon graduation) and they've all taken to playing Texas Hold 'Em poker every time we get together. I am not a big poker fan, and I hate to lose money, so I usually end up watching Shark Tales with all the toddlers. I can't seem to get Hubby to agree on a time to quit playing cards, so sometimes these games fall into the wee hours. I'm tired of whining at him, so I just get on the Internet the next day and buy a bunch more books with his "winnings". It was perfect, until we scored another bookshelf over Christmas, so the darn things just aren't in his way enough anymore. Any ideas?

8:52 AM  
Blogger cameo said...

if my hubby went to play golf 3 weekends in a row - he's be single.

9:03 AM  
Blogger cameo said...

um, that would be HE'D be single. i talk gooder than you do! :)

9:04 AM  
Blogger Great Day said...

hilarious! The only problem is my husband LOVES shopping and doesn't play golf. However the tactic could still work if it was bra shopping!

9:46 AM  
Blogger Jodi said...

Good for you. Next time just leave him home alone with the baby and go by yourself. That's even better! :)

9:53 AM  
Blogger Catch said...

Ha Ha...very good post! You got some great ideas there Sweety!

10:20 AM  
Blogger It's okay, Sweetie said...

I can think of one very deliberate punishment. Withdrawal of a certain something...

Oh. And hide his golf clubs.

11:14 AM  
Blogger Stephanie said...

Oh, you are mean.

I think I would before to leave him home with the baby and take the credit card with me.

11:31 AM  
Blogger jennster said...

LOL- i love it!!!

11:35 AM  
Anonymous chelle said...

Hehe I almost wish my husband played golf after reading your pay back!!!

1:27 PM  
Blogger Mommy off the Record said...

I agree with you all that a day of shopping ALONE is also in order, plus a visit to the salon!

4:25 PM  
Blogger LindaJ said...

It's also better when the baby needs to be changed and he has to take the baby to "famly restroom" while you try on clothes.

The sad thing is if it's not golf, it something else. This is a list of activities that I have had to endure in 15 year

Golf, wakeboarding, NASCAR, football, car shows (classic), just to name a few. And whay do they always have to be on the weekend.

I feel your pain.

Great blog by the way!!

5:01 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Chicky said...

Personally, I think you let him off easy. But I'm a hard ass that way. ;)

I'm very impressed in your payback skills. Your husband never saw it coming, did he?

6:52 PM  
Blogger K. said...

Good lord, I hate it when my Sweetie leaves us on the weekend to do something without us. I mean, I love my baby, but it's the principle of it all. When do **I** get any time to be alone or hang out with friends?? Never, that's when. And no, I am not angry about it. It just sounds that way.... :)

7:53 PM  
Anonymous Izzy said...

lolol..tht's great. Did you actually do it?

My huz doesn't golf but my poor sister...TOTAL golf widow.

8:10 PM  
Anonymous lildb said...

ooh, snap! you got the moxie, baby. but - you didn't tell us what you bought!! I. must. know.

(okay, so I enjoy living vicariously. especially if you shopped with a money's-no-object strategy. that means you got the *good* stuff - anthropologie, maybe? god, I love that store).

10:49 PM  
Blogger Mega Mom said...

I'll be the first to admit that I love golf, and as such, my husband has the envy of his friends b/c I don't mind him playing. One year he recorded about 60 rounds. However, I had about 50 of my own. That was the life :)

Since moving, he's only played once or twice. I feel bad for him b/c I miss it.

HOWEVER, he used to get up really early so he'd be home by about 11am. I'd insist on it. I feel for you, but I can't blame him :) Still good for you for getting your creative revenge :)

4:54 AM  
Blogger Marcie said...

I hate golf. So glad you got your payback. Did you shop all day? You know because golfing takes all day.

5:18 AM  
Blogger Marla said...

Don't forget to give him a great big oversized cold drink, and then let him try to figure out how to pee in public with a baby in tow.

6:26 AM  
Anonymous Mama C-ta said...

Love it! Especially the part about not letting him sneak off to the food court. Brilliant!

7:58 AM  
Blogger Mommy off the Record said...

Lildb, got a couple things at Banana Republic + something at Bebe (that's where the annoying music came in).

Mega Mom, I like the strategy of getting him out early. I think I'll start insisting on that.

Marla, LMAO, I love the big drink idea. That's a good one.

8:30 AM  
Blogger lildb said...

Bebe? BEBE? really?

you tantalize us with that, but without the details of zee purchase? 'cause I *know* it's good. SOOO good. sparkly and hottt good.
??

?

8:54 AM  
Blogger Tori said...

You funny lady...
Excellent idea...
Mine would also have to go to a kids birthday party mid afternoon. The kind of party where you have to stay for the whole bloody thing AND talk to ALL of the parents - 98 percent of whom you have never met before.

9:52 AM  
Blogger MrsFortune said...

You left out the "spend a big ole sh*t load of money" part. I mean, golf's an expensive hobby, no?

10:00 AM  
Blogger Catherine said...

My husband's big escape is always the grocery store... and I'd bitch about those two or three hours he's gone if he wasn't smart enough to come back with some ice cream.

10:10 AM  
Blogger Bonnie B said...

OK-- but how do I get him in the mall? I'd love to get him around a bunch of thumping music and girlie clothes-- but only if the kids are really wild and are hiding in the clthing racks-- then I can holler at him to control the kids.
That sounds like terrific revenge, but first I have to get him in the mall.

5:27 AM  
Anonymous Nancy said...

Sounds perfect. Shopping: the best revenge!

2:00 PM  
Blogger J's Mommy said...

Love it - Nancy is right, shopping is the best revenge. Good for you!!

6:33 AM  
Anonymous Rose said...

You go girl!

5:19 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I HATE GOLF! My husband works a six day rotation with three days off and they are all spent on the d*mn golf course. It sucks! I have a four year old and a newborn that doesn't sleep at home. I love my babies and I love being with them, but I'm tired of being left alone all of the time. Every summer I am begging him for a divorce! The one thing I'm sick of the most is the inconsideration! Today is the last straw! Last night I asked him if he would get up with the baby and feed her so I could get in a shower before he left. What does he do? He gets her up, changes her and then tells me he needs to use the bathroom. Fine, but he didn't come back upstairs, he had to watch the weather channel to see how the weather was going to be while he was out golfing. So I had to take a shower with the baby crying the whole time. As soon as he gets home, I'm driving the 40 miles to my parents to have dinner with them by MYSELF and then I'm off to a movie. I am not going to come back home until the kids are in bed. OH, and I'm leaving my cell phone OFF! Let him figure out why the baby is crying!

5:00 AM  
Anonymous Golfhater said...

Golf is for rich people with no kids who have lots of time on their hands. Sure, everyone needs a hobby -- but not a hobby that costs $100 and a 6 hour time block with babysitting every week. What's wrong with 2 hour hobbies (i.e., going to the gym or restaurant), hobbies where the family comes along (pools, picnics, libraries), or just hobbies that don't require babysitting (reading, painting and music)? If the husband's rich enough to play golf, he's rich enough to hire the babysitter.

2:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hubby has played golf now for approx 8 years. I cant take anymore! He plays every Friday and a Sat or Sun every week. He will take off 1 whole weekend a month if i am lucky. Have 2 children and a dog. Weekends just arent the same anymore i have always been the responsible 1 looking after the kids and i am getting so bored spending time on my own that when he is around i am pushing him away i dont want him near me. When i mention about him not going golf as much he gets really stroppy!!! Sometimes i feel maybe i am feeling unfair but if we both had a hobby then nobody would look after the kids nobody would walk the dog and we would never see each other so what would be the point!!! Men!!

1:37 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ladies i think you are missing the bigger picture. let them putter away into all the holes on that golf course they want to...as long as i keeps him away from your own.
then, you take your girl's day knowing that you have saved yourself from bring mauled once again. :)

3:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Buy him one of these...

http://www.bigdaddydriver.com

Then, he can stay at home and do yard work but still think he's golfing...

9:41 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My husband play golf every Saturday, Sunday, and practice after work twice a week. When I ask for one Sunday a month or every Sunday, he said that will never happen.

I play golf every Saturday & Sunday, I truely feel like a widow.

vjohnson32@gmail.com

2:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

He plays golf every Saturday & Sunday. (NOT I)

12:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My husbands business is a victim of this economy. I have been a stay at home mom for 16 years. He now has very little business going on...keeps a secretary and manages to golf an average of 4 times a week. He has cut our pay back from 6000.00 a month to 2000.00. I have 3 kids with him ages 16 to 13. I am lonely and very angry. I have thought about going back to work, but no one in our area is hiring and I would have to give up my availability to our kids. You should county your blessings that you only have one child and he only goes once a week,

8:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have five kids and my husband is golfing again this weekend! He's out of town with three friends who also have kids but not as many! Our kids are in tons of activities and I am tired of setting up rides for my kids when he is out golfing. He calls and expects to hear about what's going on several times a day/ and night to see if everything is ok....... not like he could help me anyway!

5:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have been with my partner for 5 years both divorcees. His ex wife left him for another man - they had 3 children. I am now ending the replationship and fully understand why his ex left. He plans golf every friday and saturday without fail - plus tues in the summer months together with additional sundays here and there. Other additional days throughout the year and many golfing weekends away the longest holiday being 2 weeks. We never go away for nice weekends. He nearly always comes home drunk or had too much to drink for the evening to be worthwhile. I have asked- begged and pleaded for him to be fair and try to give up some saturdays and have at least one weekend together away - he never does and he just gets stroppy - says I just moan all the time. I have had enough - I have never felt so lonely in a relationship.

7:37 AM  
Blogger julia f. Baca said...

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3:21 PM  
Anonymous Mrs Grady said...

Try convincing him to watch golf on tv, while holding the baby or folding the laundry.
Here's my recent post on golf widows watching the Golf Channel
Cheers!
T Wagamon
Bozeman MT
http://gradyent.blogspot.com/2013/06/the-golf-channel-spouses-guide-to.html

4:31 PM  
Blogger Candy Waters said...

I hate when boyfriends/husbands do this!! Especially when you ask them when they may be coming back home and they tell you some obscure time which means that they are probably going to be late. I just go on strike and stop cooking for a month. That will make them think twice before they head out to the greens again. :)

9:20 AM  

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