Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Mother Shower

I know this girl. She’s around 20 years old. She’s pregnant. She’s my cousin’s girlfriend. She and I barely know each other. We’ve only met once. But she seems like a nice girl. And she’s very pretty. Beautiful even. Not that that’s what matters, but she is. Dark hair, porcelin skin, like a doll. And she seems to be excited and happy about her pregnancy.

This girl is having a baby shower soon. Apparently, she made up the invitations recently, and I’m on the invite list. Or so says my Aunt, her future grandmother-in-law who I saw last night.

My Aunt tells me, “You’ll never believe what she did!”

“What?” I ask.

“She put ‘In honor of Mailee' on her baby shower invitations! Can you believe that? She put her own name on the invitation instead of the baby’s name. So I told her, 'Honey, it’s not all about YOU anymore. This shower is for the baby.'

According to my aunt, this made Mailee cry. She probably felt humiliated. As she looked down at the baby shower invitations that she had carefully helped design herself, Mailee probably thought that everyone was going to see that invitation and think, ‘Wow what a selfish girl, putting her own name on her baby shower invitation. Doesn’t she know that it’s not all about her anymore.'

Yes, I’m sure these thoughts were going through Mailee’s head. I envisioned the excitement about her upcoming baby shower being slowly drained out of her.

My aunt went on: “And you know what else? She’s inviting a HUNDRED people to her baby shower.”

“Wow, that’s a lot,” I said.

“Yeah. I told her, no one is going to want to sit around watching you open 100 presents, Mailee.”

And according to my aunt, this made Mailee cry. Again.

At first, I thought it was a bit funny myself that Mailee had put her own name on her baby shower invitations and was inviting so many people they had to rent a Hall for the event, but then at the same time, something about the whole thing made me feel sorry for Mailee. She is so young and she's going forward into the unknown of first-time parenthood and she's getting laughed at by her own family members. Female family members. Whispering and laughing behind her back.

What was she thinking putting her own name on the invitations?

Later that same night, I came upon a few paragraphs in this book that struck me. It was about baby showers and how superficial they have become. How they are more about cake and baby booties and the cutest new Pottery Barn crib bumper patterns than anything else.

How they are no longer about celebrating the woman. But how they should be about celebrating the woman. The woman who is about to become a mother. Again or for the first time. The woman who has gone, is going, through huge physical, emotional, spiritual changes to bring a new being into life.

Perhaps this woman needs some extra guidance. Perhaps this woman could use other women to gather around her at a special event to provide her support, answer her questions honestly, show how much they care. About her. Her who is about to change, be transformed. Forever. Her who will no longer be a child after that day. Perhaps she needs to be mothered, ritualistically, herself on that day.

Perhaps that is our job, as women, to do this for her.

Perhaps this woman has the right idea when she puts her own name on the “baby shower” invitations. Perhaps we have the wrong idea when we tell her not to.

***********************
Morning sickness is getting worse. Your kind comments and tips on my last post helped. They really did.

63 Comments:

Blogger The Flip Flop Mamma! said...

Well, I've never thrown myself a babyshower, so I guess I don't know the rules, but what if she doesn't know what she's naming the baby?? I'm pretty sure my invitations said "for Jaymi." or whatever. We weren't sure what we were having, so there's no way they would have put "celebrating Fetus." LOL. I wouldn't have thought anything about it if I got an invitation with the mother's name on it. Hmmm

2:29 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

I think a baby shower should be about celebrating the mother as much as the new baby. Of course, I'm also the crazy woman who thinks that a baby's first birthday party should really be a party for the parents for surviving the first year.

And all of the etiquette surrounding these things is wild, too. I've been told I can't have a shower for my second child - as if this child matters less than the first! It should be less about the stuff and more about the sharing of experience - I could really use some advice from moms of more than one child!

2:41 PM  
Blogger Mommy off the Record said...

Flip Flop Mama: you know, you’re right that it makes sense to have the mom’s name on the invitation. I guess that is more common that I had thought. I am used to seeing the generic invites that you get at Target that say “it’s a boy!” or whatever and then just list the mom’s name on the “for” line. But when you get them professionally designed, they often have the mom’s name written out prominently. I found some cute ones by searching online a bit. I’ll have to let my aunt know this. 

Christina: I think that viewing the 1st birthday party as a party for the parents for surviving the first year is an excellent way to view it!

3:03 PM  
Blogger Mamacita Tina said...

What a great idea, to celebrate/congratulate the mother!

I'm with Christina, the second, third, and so on, babies deserve recognition too. No one offered to have a baby shower for my second, so my husband and I had a party (requested no gifts) for her after she was born. Everyone got to meet her, and she got to meet everyone.

3:27 PM  
Blogger Mary-LUE said...

I love what you have to say in this post, MotR. At the very least, this woman deserves respect and not to be laughed at and shamed by her own family!

My favorite shower present when my daughter was born was a copy of the book A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers (in hardcover!) My friend knew I wanted it and I was so pleased with that present. As cute and useful as all the presents for the baby were, it was nice to get something that was all about me and suited me so.

And a very good friend, on my son's first birthday, sent me a beautiful bouquet of flowers. Very nice!

3:44 PM  
Blogger theotherbear said...

I've never been to a baby shower so I don't know much about the etiquette involved. But what are you supposed to put on the invitation? What if you don't know what sex the baby is going to be, let alone what you're calling him or her? Are you supposed to put 'in honour of my fetus you're invited to my baby shower'? Ha, that would make for one funny invitation.

4:31 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Chicky said...

With all respect to your Aunt, the shower should be about the mother, the couple actually, and the baby, but this is the mother's last hurrah. My heart broke while reading that your Aunt pointed out those supposed errors to that poor girl. I want to wrap her up in a big hug and tell her that her shower is for her. And why was she making out her own invitations, anyway? Wasn't anyone going to throw a shower for her?

5:00 PM  
Blogger Mommy off the Record said...

Mrs. Chicky: I have no idea why she was doing her own invites. I'm pretty sure she has lots of friends - as evidenced by the 100 people coming to her shower!

5:03 PM  
Blogger Nicole said...

If this girl is just twenty years old, she probably does not know the etiquette of baby showers. I don't think that I did at that age. I just feel bad that your Aunt was making THAT big of a deal about it.

I also think that baby showers are suppose to honor the moms just as much as the babies. I know all four of mine, I felt like the women there were there for me AND my baby. I think we need to be slower to judge fellow women. Who knows what she was thinking when she put that on the invitation, but does it really matter.

5:34 PM  
Anonymous Momish said...

I am with you, I had always thought showers were for the mother and that is why it use to be only women. To tell the secrets and tips in addition to showering the person with the things they will eventually need, etc. Even bridal showers were a time for women on both sides to meet and shower the bride to be with attention and future needs. I don't see anything wrong with what your friend did, in fact it is about her. She needs things for her baby and her new motherhood status. She needs that last special attention moment too! How sad she was made to feel so bad. I hope she reads your post!

5:40 PM  
Blogger Heidi said...

I'm with you, her whole life is about to change more than she can imagine and at the age of 20 I'd probably have found it difficult too. She probably doesn't want to look like she doesn't know what she's doing so she may not ask for help either.

We moved when I was pregnant with my son so I didn't have many friends here then so we just had a bbq for some friends and their families (mostly from my husbands work) for our shower so I wouldn't really know the "right way" to do it even now!

6:25 PM  
Blogger venessa said...

Personally, I don't think that life as a woman (as in an individual woman) ends when you have a baby. Yes, the baby takes top priority but I find it sad that this girl is being taught that it is wrong to think of herself even a little. She's carrying this child, she will birth the child, she will raise the child. Of course it is about celebrating her!

Hello, btw. De-lurking a little late. :)

7:02 PM  
Blogger SUEB0B said...

Sucky aunt.

7:10 PM  
Blogger something blue said...

A baby shower is technically only supposed to be thrown for the first child. I think this partly proves that it is not a party for the baby but more for the new mother.

7:23 PM  
Blogger Dirty Birdie said...

You are so right. A baby shower should be about celebrating the beauty of motherhood and giving her a party filled with love, support and advise. Not critism.

That wasn't very nice of your Aunt to be so catty, no offense. I don't know why people insist on being that way. I don't like talking to people like that because you never know what they are going to say about YOU behind your back. Tacky, tacky, tacky, even more tacky than putting your own name on your baby shower invitation.

8:02 PM  
Blogger Kyla said...

Phenergan+Zofran=almost human

Just saying.

And I feel for Mailee. This what women do, and its so sad. We jab at each other instead of nurturing and guiding. Poor Mailee...its only starting for her...have her read Bub&Pie's post about the opposing sides of motherhood. Because whatever side of the fence she chooses from now on, someone will be on the other said saying she's wrong, just like right now.

8:50 PM  
Blogger Janean said...

Oh, my! Some female relatives can just SUCK the joy right out of any occasion, can't they? My mother's sister (my aunt) is that way. She can't go through ONE family event without upsetting someone. Arrgh. My heart goes out to that poor girl. If I were on her list, I'd send her an RSVP that says "I'm coming! and I think your invitations are GORGEOUS!" just for the heck of it.
But I'm kind of catty that way. :D

8:55 PM  
Blogger jen said...

you know, i think you might be right....it is and should be all about the mother...god knows we'll make it all about the baby...

10:53 PM  
Blogger Janet a.k.a. "Wonder Mom" said...

I think the baby shower is all about the mother...It's the last hurrah before it isn't about her anymore...I think she should do whatever she wants to do regarding invites and number of people invited. My baby shower was all about me. I deserved it.

This will be the last time she has anyone oogling her and touching her belly and marveling in the fact that she is growing a life inside of her...After that it's all about the baby.

I feel bad for her. She seems sensitive, if she was crying and all. She has no clue what she's doing. You are a supportive friend though, I know you will make her feel better.

Tell her I would sit through 1,000 baby gifts opened...it is what the baby shower is all about. I love to watch the mom's reaction to "What do I do with this?"...makes for fun times.

6:09 AM  
Blogger Kat said...

Okay, I am new to your site but this subject matter really grabbed my interest since I am 23 weeks pregnant myself.

I think it is perfectly fine for her to put her name on the invitation since it is her first baby. Now, she probably should have mntioned the baby too but that is okay.

As for inviting so many people, yur aunt was partially right. 100 people is too many if she intends to open gifts at the party. She could always do it like a wedding and not open any ad jut have food and games at the party and open gifts later with the father and send out thank you cards.

In any case, she should be celebrating this time of her life not worrying what others think about hr or the way she wants to do things. Hell, this is my fourth baby an I am having a baby shower. Yep, That's right, I am! LOL Grats to her.

6:09 AM  
Blogger Jen said...

I think everyone should shower the mom with love and support because when the baby gets here..its all about the baby....mommy's feel left out then. And so do daddy's///sorry but I think your aunt was wrong to say this to a hormonal women who is about to have her grandbaby. My in laws always say the wrong thing...after 13 years I just ignore them...but she should be treated with dignity....she is beautiful carrying a baby.....your book has very good knowledge...treat her with the up most respect...it is HER baby shower....she could do a 3 ring circus and it doesnt matter....she is the only one that is going to pop this watermelon...not your aunt. I hope I wasnt to bold.

6:25 AM  
Blogger Oh, The Joys said...

I had tears in my eyes as I read this and looked backwards at my own "becoming". My favorite shower gift was the bath salt and lotion that were for me. I think you're totally right. Mabye you can be the person that supports her.

8:13 AM  
Blogger Mommy off the Record said...

Kat: thanks for visiting and congrats on pregnancy #4!

Jen: not too bold at all. I agree that my aunt was out of line. Don't get me wrong: there is much, much to love about her, but then there is her gossipy side which isn't so great. Like someone else said, I can't help but wonder what she's saying about me when I'm not around. Not cool.

Oh, the Joys: I've never bought a baby shower present that was for the Mom like the lotion you are describing. I'm always thinking about the baby when I buy baby shower presents. Next time I attend a shower, I'm going to buy two presents - one for the mom and one for the baby.

8:32 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

Oh, I have to jump in again and say I totally agree with Oh the Joys! A gift for the mother is a wonderful idea! At my shower, I was given some lovely relaxing bath products for myself, plus some gift certificates for pizza and other places that delivered, so I could order food when I needed it.

(And actually, at Cordy's one year birthday party, a friend gave me a Burt's Bees sampler as a gift for myself, too.)

8:57 AM  
Blogger Gingers Mom said...

I don't think there is anything wrong with having her name on the shower. I agree it IS supposed to honor her AND the baby.
I do think it is odd that someone isn't throwing the shower FOR her. Is she throwing it for herself? If so, that is sad she didn't have a friend or loved one who would do that for her.
I feel bad for her too.
100 people does seem like a huge party. She probably is just excited.

9:20 AM  
Blogger Nancy said...

Etiquette is useless. All this you're supposed to do this and supposed to say that - Who cares!

I think a shower should be given in honor of both mother and baby. God knows I needed all the baby stuff I got because I could have never afforded it all on my own. But at the same time it's a celebration of becoming a mother, like you said, and mothers deserve to be appreciated, too!

While I usually buy a "baby" gift for a couple having their first child, if I attend a shower where the couple already has children I try to get something for the mother. After all, she's the one carrying around all the extra weight, she's the one who is nauseous, she's the one who has completely altered her entire being in order to nourish a time human being from within her own body and then will continue that devotion after the baby is born.

I was sad for this mother-to-be and I hope that she's still able to enjoy her shower. I mean, just because we become mothers doesn't mean we stop existing as people - no matter how many times we are ignored by family members scrambling to hold our children.

10:24 AM  
Blogger NtycnBoricua said...

My mom threw me a baby shower and I'm pretty sure she used my name on the invitation. She didn't even include my husband's name on the invitation or any of the favors. It was just kind of given that the baby shower was for me! lol :D

http://ntycnboricua.blogspot.com

10:45 AM  
Blogger Dysd. Housewife said...

I am jumping in here MANY posts later, but I echo everyone else. I have thrown lots of showers, and another "myth" that BITES me, is the theory that after 1 or 2 showers, the woman should not be given any more. I found this little *gem* out when I was planning a shower for a woman on her 5th baby. The beotch who told me, was chastising me for throwing a shower for a woman who already had four children. I think all these catty women who keep making up these dumb "etiquette rules" need to just stop COMING to the showers, and let the rest of us have all the fun. And I say, EVERY baby should have a shower, and EVERY mom should be made to feel special for having the courage to GIVE BIRTH!!!!

11:03 AM  
Anonymous Andrea said...

First of all, your Aunt sounds almost proud that she made a pregnant woman cry. That doesn't seem right. Maybe her tone wasn't quite so self-righteous as it was in my head as I was reading. That could just be my interpretation.

I agree that a shower should be a chance to lavish the mother with attention because after the birth the attention will go all to the baby.

I think I had about 70 people actually show up at my shower, so it's possible I had 100 or more invited. My husband has a very large extended family and they all live nearby, so it seemed odd to me that my mother-in-law had that big of a guest list, but I only voiced a concern about seeming greedy to my husband. He said these people would be offended not to be invited. Maybe that's the case with Mailee (beautiful name). Maybe she's just so excited about this she wants to share it with everybody. No harm in that.

My sister-in-law got a little snooty that a cousin was planning a shower for her second pregnancy, saying it was greedy and she should have a lot of what she needed already from the first baby. I didn't speak up like I wanted to (and probably should have) but I felt that was harsh, that each pregnancy is special and even if the gathering is gift-free, it should be celebrated. That's me though. Seems like people take offense to stuff like this one way or the other, so you really can't win no matter what and should just do what makes you happy.

11:03 AM  
Anonymous chelle said...

I have yet to have a baby shower even though this will be our second baby. I always thought it was suppose to be a celebration of the rite of passage of motherhood?!?!?!

12:52 PM  
Blogger Pendullum said...

I think it should be a celebration of the woman...

It is just such a scary time... For a first time mom and with any insecurities they should not be pounced upon...
There are so many people with so many opinions that sometimes we lose sight of the person...There is a person there that wants to celebrate this passage... and nothing wrong in doing so...

However, I have always skipped the public opening of presents... ABSOLUTELY hate that ritual...

2:57 PM  
Blogger Domestic Slackstress said...

I so wanted to have a shower straight from the pages of Birthing From Within, the book that inspired me to have my two youngest children at home w/o meds. But I was a wimp. Afraid to look like a new-age dork in front of the girls. I should have just gone for it.

3:01 PM  
Blogger scribbit said...

It sounds like Mailee is just a nice girl without anyone to fill her in on social things--such as you don't throw yourself a shower, or for your sister, or other close relative since it looks like--and is--a request for gifts. Yes, 100 is about 75 too many and there are probably lots of other social faux pas she's broken (hey, getting pregnant without a husband used to be on the list too, but that seems to have changed).

But I also recall that being rude and unkind to others is not good. To point out their faults and make them cry goes beyond mere ignorance of propriety and falls under intential cruelty which in my book is worse.

Sounds like Mailee needs a helping hand during a difficult time.

3:08 PM  
Blogger radioactive girl said...

I am with Christina on the baby's first birthday being a celebration for the parents. What a wonderful idea.

My mother in law threw a baby shower for us with our first and my mom was horrified because apparently that is considered tacky. I don't know the rules, but am glad she did it for us because otherwise no one would have.

3:19 PM  
Blogger carrie said...

I can't believe how cruel women can be when the one thing we should be doing is lifting each other up.

I hope she realizes how important her role in bringing this new little life into the world is, and dammit - she deserves a shower, and nurturing and guidance and love from everyone there.

At least you'll be there, to make her feel better (even though you don't know her that well, she will most likely look up to you and your "experience" as the coolest mommy in the room).

Hope your tummy gets better soon!

Carrie

3:42 PM  
Blogger Kevin Charnas said...

BRAVA! BRAVA! Great post.

That's one of the many things about being so connected with so many Mommy bloggers that I love - is the support that you give to one another. I believe that this should over-flow into all areas of our lives: to be less judgmental and more supportive of one another and not so critical.

Women and MOthers are goddesses and should be treated as such. And the ones who are going to begin that are the women and mothers themselves.

So, RIGHT ON! I love this post.

p.s. I'm sorry that you're having morning sickness...i hope that it goes away soon.

7:56 PM  
Anonymous mothergoosemouse said...

I feel bad for her. She doesn't know any better. Instead of mocking her, I wish the people closest to her would give her the guidance she apparently needs.

That said, I don't think anything prepares you for how secondary you become when you have a child. Not even that others subordinate you to your baby, but that you do it yourself.

9:02 PM  
Blogger cameo said...

hear hear! i had baby showers for all three of my kids. and i do believe the invitations said the event was for me. after all, i was the one pregnant with the baby. and there were 40 people at my last one! next time you see that excited, doubtful(now), beautiful young mother-to-be, you tell her she did the right thing. and to keep her enthusiasm. all babies should be so lucky as to have a mom who's excited.

9:10 PM  
Blogger dodo said...

thanks for that, it's really thought provoking.

we don't have babyshowers here. are the gifts normally for the baby or the mother? we tend to be quite supersticious about having stuff for the baby before it's born.

5:54 AM  
Blogger Dirty Birdie said...

MOTR: Best Shower gift I got was a "Hospital Survival Kit." It had fuzzy non slip socks, good smelly lotion, my favorite magazines, some snacks, a word search book, and other items to make my hospital stay easier and more comfortable.

7:47 AM  
Blogger Jenn said...

My baby shower was TOTALLY all about me, AND my husband for that matter. No "fake" surprises, just a big party BBQ in my parents backyard, guys and girls alike! And yes there were a lot of presents, but it was mainly a fun party with all my friends and relatives to celebrate the fact that a new baby was about to enter our mix! Cause, that's what it's really all about!

8:13 AM  
Blogger Sparky Duck said...

well, you mothers are the ones that do all the work, the baby just shows up

8:19 AM  
Blogger Red Rollerskate said...

I think showers are for the mom. It is like a last "hurrah." Poor girl. And good for her for inviting all her friends. I feel so bad for her!

7:40 PM  
Blogger The Mad Momma said...

in india the baby shower is abt the mother. simple. because its the last time you have any time to do anything for yourself. so there are no baby gifts... only gifts for the mother... very much a celebration of her. its also considered inauspicious here to buy anything for the baby before its born. ... basically because in the old days most babies were still born etc... so you only bothered to buy stuff after you were sure the child would survive!! bottomline.. i think that poor girl deserved that one special day and its quite mean to make such a young mother cry and upset her.. pregnancy is anyway such an emotional time ... and more so for some one so young...

1:11 AM  
Blogger Catherine said...

The baby shower gifts that meant the most to me were the gifts that were for ME. Someone gave me a back massager thingy. Another person gave me a gift basket with candles and a relaxation tape and bubble bath. While a 20-something probably needs all the baby stuff, I do think we should also celebrate the mother.

And my jaded heart just gets even more jaded when I hear about a woman passing judgment on another woman... especially a young, excited, happily PREGNANT woman.

Beautiful post, C.

9:12 PM  
Blogger Jaelithe said...

I think it was really not okay for your aunt to make the young mother-to-be of her grandchild cry over something so petty as a party invitation. I think it was really, really not okay.

Can I email this young woman a letter of support, or something?

10:13 PM  
Blogger Catch said...

the poor girl! It is in honor or Mailee, shes the one giving birth. Tell your Aunt to put a sock in her mouth and leave the girl alone...lol

1:23 AM  
Blogger Slackermommy said...

Congratulations on your pregnancy! I had surgery six weeks ago and I'm just now catching up on all my favorite blogs. I love this post because women not celebrating women really pisses me off and you summed it up perfectly. I especially hate moms who don't support other moms which is why I tend to poke fun at myself as a mom on my blog. I want other moms to know I'm not perfect and I make the same mistakes they make but may have kept to themselves out of fear of judgement. You are right, your friend needs some supportive mommy friends. It saddens me that the females in her family are being such bitches although I've seen it happen many times.

6:26 AM  
Blogger Mel said...

What a beautiful post. And what an awesome, sensible, and loving point ... as women we should nurture the mom-to-be. I would have been really upset if any family member had done such a callous thing to me.

3:05 PM  
Blogger Karianna said...

My baby shower ended up being a reason for a family feud!

It is amazing how something as "innocent" can turn into a bunch of politics.

7:45 PM  
Blogger Inglewood said...

First time every reading your blog and you made me cry, (it isn't all that hard these days....)

Feel so badly for Mailee. I always thought the shower was about the mom, to ease her into the transition.

3:03 PM  
Blogger Damselfly said...

Hey, I read that book when I was expecting. I really liked it. Hope your morning sickness goes away soon!

2:45 PM  
Anonymous Lisse said...

Although the mother receives baby gifts, the shower IS about her. Someone else usually throws the shower for the mother, but it is pretty much the last celebration of her as she is entering a new phase in her life. Aunt is flat out wrong and seems to be looking for something to criticize the poor young girl for.

I pretty much always include something for the mother in whatever gift I bring.

6:34 AM  
Blogger Carolie said...

I thought a baby shower was to shower the MOTHER (or parents) with the things she (they) would need for the baby but might not yet have? It's not 'for the baby'! A Diaper Genie is a fantastic baby shower gift...but it's a gift to the parents, not to the baby. And that rocking chair is a gift to the parents, not to the baby. I love the idea of gifts pampering the mother-to-be, as today, there is less need to "outfit" the new parents with baby stuff...much as bridal showers are no longer necessary to outfit a bride with all the things she will need to set up a household away from her parents for the first time!

(My only quibble is that one should not throw a shower for oneself, nor should family throw showers for family...showers should only be thrown by friends.)

How mean of Aunt to say such things at all, much less to poor Mailee! Yes, we should nurture each other, especially a young woman pregnant with her first child!

I do have to disagree with Linus, who says "ettiquette is useless." It is not at all useless, if used properly! Ettiquette is a set of guidelines which a gracious person uses to help ensure everyone around her feels valued and respected ("please" and "thank you" and "may I introduce Susan" and "if you don't mind" for example). But citing "ettiquette" to give yourself permission to put someone else down or make her feel bad...that's just plain bad manners.

6:37 AM  
Anonymous Nancy said...

Poor Mailee. It does sound like your aunt was unfair, but I'm guessing some of it is a generation gap thing -- certainly shower etiquette is different today than it was decades ago.

Also, Mailee is still young. When I think back to some of the etiquette blunders I must have committed when planning my wedding... I know I've learned a lot since then, and of course that's what growing up is all about.

I hope another relative or friend can help guide Mailee through so she doesn't continue to feel bad.

And I hope *you* hang in there with your morning sickness.

9:37 AM  
Blogger jeanie said...

I personally think the concept of etiquette sucks when it has this effect.

Why can't she throw herself a shower? Better than to stress that noone will do it, or do it the way that she wishes to.

Whose name, prey tell, are you meant to put on the invites?

Who cares how many people are invited, as long as they come with warm wishes for the producers and eventual product?

It is a rite of passage - and I think she (and every person in this room) has a right to do it whatever way she wants.

2:20 AM  
Blogger penelopeto said...

I'm late to weigh in on this, but just thought i'd give a shout out to poor humiliated mailee, and tell her not to stress about grandma. wanna know a much bigger faux pas than inviting 100 people to honour herself? telling her that it's a faux pas to invite 100 people to honour herself.

grandma, you crazy old bat, you better bring something nice.

when my sis was preggers, we held a Blessing Way for her. there was food, and some gifts, but there was also a really beautiful ceremony of sorts, where each woman wove a string around her wrist, which was then passed to the next woman, etc. so that all the women were connected, and then each woman went around the room and gave the baby a 'blessing.' this wasn't religious at all, just a really nice way to wish good things for mom and baby. showers thrown for me were a bit more traditional, but when there is a #2 on the way, i'd like a blessing way too.

6:31 AM  
Anonymous TB said...

This is such a great post. I detest showers of any kind for the rampant consumerism they have come to represent. The idea of my own upcoming shower, forced upon me by my mother in law, is giving me hives just thinking about it.

But this poor young girl, probably in desparate need of some love and attention deserves to get that from the people she invites to celebrate her impending motherhood.

5:44 PM  
Anonymous MarillaAnne said...

oh I just have to say something here! I am old enough! LORD ALMIGHTY what was that woman thinking?!!! That AUNT ...

I'm sorry but it is about the mother! It's about preparing the mother! It's about helping her be ready for the baby. It's about sharing tips and giggles and whispers and ... above all AdViCe!

BAck in the dark ages ... we had no clue what we'd conceived... the baby shower was in honor of the MOM MOM MOM MOM ... ok .. no ... i'm not the least bit excited ...

AND why not invite 100 ... these days with every body's schedules and insanity she'll be lucky to see 1/2 of them show up.

I think that aunt is just feeling something right next door to the green monster jealousy!

Sigh ... alright ... no ... I'm not always this adamant ... but I do hope you'll get in touch with that girl and tell her there's an "old lady pushing 49" who's saying "you go girl! You are turning into a mom and YOU celebrate big time!"

Ok so ... umm i'm getting down off the soap box ... but it looks like there's already a small sag in the middle from my predecessors.

Umm I bumped into you over on Mary-LUE's blog something about the ROTF awards. They sound like fun!

ttyl,
pam

9:47 PM  
Blogger Mommycares said...

Hi! I also agree that moms should be celebrated. I think we should do this naturally for our friends and relatives that are going to have, or adopt a child. I am an artist, songwriter, and poet, and I am in the process of creating gifts for new mommies! I have written songs, and books that encourage and uplift the mother. I am looking for moms who are willing to preview some of my work, and give me feedback! My e-mail is lyricalvisions@comcast.net, or you can reply to this blog with your e-mail. Congratulations to Mailee!

7:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

gMy sister in law were very ready for their baby, getting EVERYTHING they needed months before. When I threw her shower I She worked till the week before the birth and really made sure that they would have it all so I think throwing a shower for the mother (parents) was a great idea. I actually found a baykit for the father that included a mouth mask, tongs....I can't remember the rest but I made that and put that in as well. The party was a hit and Denise really enjoyed the twist I put on it. I also found a poem on the internet that I put on the back of the invitation from the baby thanking all that came to honour her mother and she couldnt wait to see each person herself.

So I guess I am saying GOOD FOR HER!!!

My baby shower was very different as my sister threw it for me and invited her and my mothers friends, it was not what I expected at all. I appreciate what she tried to do and I thank her for it but really it should be the people that you know, your family and friends....not the hostess's friends.

1:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't feel sorry for Mailee , I feel sorry for you the baby shower etiquette police. Who found it necessary to make a twenty year young woman cry about the invites and the number of people. Try being support and loving.

3:40 AM  
Blogger SugarMangoez said...

My friends have thrown me a shower for each of my 3 daughters. At my 2nd baby shower, my best friend bought me Nars lip gloss($25 for a tiny tube) and I felt so overwhelmed with love from her that I cried. LOL! I couldn't believe that she got me exactly what I wanted. Everybody remembers that to this day. So now when my friends and I throw showers for 2nd and 3rd babies, we buy a gift for the mom. I once bought a friend a rain shower head for her baby shower (that I threw for her 4th child) and she loves it to this day.

Your aunt should apologize to Mailee. She sounds really old school to me. I'm sure if she somehow read these comments she would be embarrassed about her poor behavior towards Mailee. First time twenty-something year old moms need all the help they can get as far as the baby's needs go. I hope all 100 people come! What a blessing that would be!

10:19 PM  

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