Sunday, January 07, 2007

Warning: Delusional Preggo on the Loose in California

In follow-up to my post last week, this is an update on how I seriously kicked some college students' butts yesterday...

Or not.

OK. This is pretty embarrasing, but I trust that I won't get made fun of (that much) and I guess I have to blog about it because I owe you an update on this.

So, as you may recall, on Friday I was planning to go over to confront the college frat boy perps who knocked my fence down and meddled with my shrubbery, right? Well, I wanted to wait until the Husband got home from work so we could go over together, but he ended up going over by himself on his way home from work.

So, around 6:00pm, he comes home carrying a brown paper bag and tells me that he went over to their house. Here's the conversation:

Husband: I went over to confront the college boys about the fence.

Me: You did? Without me? What happened!?

Images of Husband being tied to a keg by the frat boys and forced to succumb to some horrible hazing ritual immediately entered my head. God, he should have brought me for back up. What was he thinking??

Husband: There weren't any college boys there.

Me: What? No one was home?

Husband: No, someone answered, but it wasn't a college kid. It was an old lady.

Me: An old lady?

Husband: Yeah, this really nice old lady lives there by herself. Her name is Mertyl and she's a widower. She's lived in that house for 40 years. And look - she gave me this huge bag of oranges from her tree.

Husband was indeed carrying a huge bag of oranges in his arms.

Me: But what about the wild party? And the college boys?

Husband: The party was happening at one of her neighbors' houses; it definitely wasn't happening at her house.

Me: But...

Husband: She said that it was wind that knocked the fence over. And that it's happened before. She's going to call her handyman and we're going to go in on fixing the fence together.

Me: But it hasn't even been windy!

Husband (shrugs)

Me: And what about the kid we saw peering over our fence the other day picking oranges off the tree? He was definitely in her backyard.

Husband: Oh, I asked her about him. That's her grandson. He was helping her out. I mean, she can't possibly get up on a ladder to pick her own oranges. She's like at least 80 years old.

So, there you have it folks. I was about to go kick the ass of some poor 80-year-old widow named Mertyl who is completely innocent. And the saddest part about it is that according to Husband, who spent some time visiting with her, she seems pretty lonely and was happy to have the company and meet her new neighbor. She said she rarely sees any of her neighbors. Isn't that sad?

And I am left feeling like a complete idiot. In my defense, we live in a neighborhood near a college so there are tons of college students that live around us - just apparently not behind us. And there was a party happening in our neighborhood on New Year's Eve, but since I went to bed before midnight, I wasn't paying close attention to where the music was coming from. It just sounded like it was in our backyard, but it might have been one house down from Mertyl. And then there was the college kid peering over our fence who turned out to be her grandson.

Anyway, enough with the excuses. I would say that I just need to back off the crack, but I haven't touched crack since I got pregnant sooooo I'm just going to have to blame this one on pregnancy brain.


One more thing: I apologize that I haven't been visiting blogs. More on that later... But I would like to thank everyone for the nice congratulatory comments on the pregnancy. I read and appreciate each one very much.


Anonymous chelle said...

hehe how funny that it turned out to be an elderly woman!!! Good thing too b/c those kids would have been freaked out to have a can of whoop a$$ opened on them by pregnant woman!

3:53 PM  
Blogger theotherbear said...

Oooh, do you feel guilty now? I would feel like I had to pop in and make her day with a visit as some kind of retribution. I'm not sure though if I would go through with it, I may just think about how much I should do it and dither about whether I should go or not.

5:14 PM  
Blogger SUEB0B said...

That is SO like something I would do.

5:34 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Chicky said...

It's just a good thing you didn't egg her house before finding out the real deal.

5:44 PM  
Anonymous Karly said...

Poor, poor Mertyl.

6:01 PM  
Blogger Em said...

Very funny. And all things considered, I bet you could have kicked her ass, if needed! :)

Oh, and good call laying off the crack till the baby is born. LOL

6:55 PM  
Anonymous Izzy said...

I dunno, Cristina... Kicking Mertyl's ass would have made for a really great blog post :P

7:15 PM  
Anonymous Momish said...

That is too funny! But, I probably would have done the same thing. Enjoy the oranges!

7:44 PM  
Anonymous meritt said...

ROTFL... I'm glad I stopped by tonight before bed and read a few blogs. The funny update was worth staying up past the ripe old hour of 10:00 pm. *yawn*


8:15 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

That is kinda funny it turned out to be a sweet elderly woman. But on the bright side, you now have a neighbor you know isn't crazy and would probably LIKE a quick visit now and again. She sounds very sweet.

9:13 PM  
Blogger Catch said...

Glad you didnt have to kick her ass! lol. Try to go and visit her occasionally...the elderly get so lonely. Enjoy the oranges, bless her heart!

9:32 PM  
Blogger scribbit said...

At least you had good odds against the 80 year-old. I know you could have taken her.

10:17 PM  
Blogger Red Rollerskate said...

Um, why was her grandson peeing on your bushes? or on her fence? Poor lady.

10:39 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

Bake her a pie...take it over and have a piece with her..she probably is very lonely....this way you can check on her from time to time....or dont...she may be the clingy old lady type.....and have you do everything for her....

6:20 AM  
Anonymous Much More Than A Mom said...

Hehe! Great story!

8:52 AM  
Blogger carrie said...

That is funny. It's okay to be wrong when it turns out like this! Hope the baby likes oranges!


8:58 AM  
Blogger Waya said...

Poor Mertyl. I hope you'll get to meet her soon too. I'm sure she'll appreciate it, and oranges to eat...yummy!

9:25 AM  
Blogger Nikkie said...

Oh that is funny. I don't think that was a horrible conclusion you came to though, it made sense!

9:36 AM  
Blogger Pattie said...

Wow, oranges right over the fence? Just think...fresh squeezed juice anytime you want! :)
Funny story, though

10:29 AM  
Blogger Mamacita Tina said...

My husband would say, "Never assume, it only makes an A** out of U and ME."

Yet another lesson. Sigh.

2:23 PM  
Blogger Dirty Birdie said...

Ya right, I call Shenanigans, she probably had her old biddy girlfriends over for some Ensure Mudslides and things got a little crazy during a game of geriatric Twister.

3:23 PM  
Blogger Ruth Dynamite said...

Leave it to husbands to give little old ladies the benefit of the doubt. Puh. I'm sure she was a lying old sack. (But how were her oranges?)


5:58 PM  
Anonymous s@m said...

Hahahahha! I'm sorry to laugh, but that's dang funny!

I can just picture you walking over there ready to lay the beats to these disrespectful college students when an elderly lady comes to the door. Sorry your hubby beat you to it!

BTW, Congrats!

5:58 PM  
Blogger Jodi said...

harty harty har! That soooo sounds like something I would do. It sounds like your hubby made her day by going over there anyway. :) That is such a cute story.

6:40 PM  
Blogger crazymumma said...

it's the sweet old ladies you have to watch out for. I personally plan to turn into one. By the light of day, sweet as can be, lonely helpless unasumming. But But by the light of night, Hell's Granny lays waste to the most respectable of neighbourhoods.....

7:12 PM  
Blogger Gingers Mom said...

Poor little Mertyl. That is really sad. Nice that your hubby took time to visit with her. Congrats on having another baby. I miss being pregnant....not enough to have another...but it is such a special time. I hope you enjoy it.

7:16 PM  
Blogger Beck's Mommy said...

I have been on my own little break. Congrats on your pregnancy! Yippeee!!

And I ALWAYs assume the worst of my neighbors so I am sure that I would have done the same thing. She sounds like a nice one though...

7:56 PM  
Blogger Kristin said...

Late to the party but congratulations on the baby news... whoo hoo and watch out Mertyl's grandson!

4:48 AM  
Blogger Damselfly said...

Yeah, yeah, yeah ... sounds like a sweet innocent little old lady, but dontcha bet it was her wild bridge club friends who knocked over your fence.

6:16 AM  
Blogger Mama's Moon said...

I'm sooo with Damselfly. It's ALWAYS those lil' ol' ladies that throw those wild-ass parties; and sooooo like them to distract neighbors with big bags of fruit from their backyards. Don't let your guard down - Mertyl, bah!!! (hehehe) Just kidding.

Congrats on being preggos!

11:50 PM  
Anonymous Diana said...

Oh my gosh! Too funny, poor Mertyl!

5:45 PM  
Blogger MrsFortune said...

Uh huh. An elderly woman. A likely story. I think mr MOTR made it all up to cover up for being tied to a pole and pelted with oranges by drunken frat boys. Just my opinion.

And congrats :0)!!!

7:13 PM  

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