Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Does cursing on your mommy blog make you a bad mommy?

The reason that I ask is that I recently received the following comment on my Crazy Crayola post.
For being a caring mom who looks into your kids well being, you sure do use some vulgar language. Be careful, whether or not you know it, that stuff rubs off on your children even if you think you are careful about saying it in front of them. It also discredits a lot of what you are saying, in my opinion.

After I read the comment, I reviewed that particular post to see which words I had used that might be offensive. “Bad-ass” and “shite” (intentional spelling) were the only two I could find.

I also noticed that I used the word “shit” in my Mother’s Day Confession and the word “dang” in this post.

Hmmm. I guess I can see her point. I swear like a sailor.

But here’s what I’m not getting. When she said “for being a caring mom, you sure do use some vulgar language,” she seemed to be insinuating that I couldn’t possibly be a caring mom if I use vulgar language on my blog, and therefore, I am not a caring mom. Maybe I'm being sensitive, but that's what it sounded like she was saying.

And that’s what I take issue with.

It's not that cursing is cool or admirable, but does the use of a curse word now and then on one's blog make them less of a mother? Do I lose my membership in the "good mothers" club because of it? And sidenote: cursing on one's blog does not necessarily mean that cursing is occurring in front of the kids.

The thing is that I do use foul language. I admit it. And not just dang or shite either. I’ve even been known to use the f-word now and then. But I don’t use it around my kid. It's not like I go around asking Little Guy to "pick up his fucking toys”, you know?

But on my blog. Well, that’s different. Cuz my blog is not my baby book. It’s not even a space that I've told too many "real-life friends" and family about. My parents, for example, do not know I have this blog. That's the way I like it. This is my private writing space, my "off the record" rants about motherhood. Where I can say “fuck” whenever I feel like it. That’s part of the beauty and liberation of writing anonymously or semi-anonymously. I don't have to censor.

And as for this: "[Your vulgar language] also discredits a lot of what you are saying, in my opinion," I have to laugh. It discredits what I have to say about what? Sidewalk paint? I mean, seriously, I’m not writing policy position papers on important world issues here.

So, in conclusion, I reserve to the right to use curse words in my posts now and then. Like when I'm coming up on 20 weeks of all-day puking sessions and I have to vent. In that case, you might even find a "really bad word" in the title of my post. Cuz it did fucking suck, and there was just no way better to put it.



Blogger Kyla said...

I totally agree (with you, that is). I don't really curse in general, but I don't have a problem with it and do it when the occassion calls for it. Today KayTar's therapist thought she said "Shit." during their session, but KayTar was rambling about something totally different. The therapist's expression was pretty awesome, though.

9:54 PM  
Blogger Mary-LUE said...

I am not fond of the phrase... "If you loved your children, then..." Why do people do that?

10:20 PM  
Blogger Mel said...

Ooops, looks like somebody offended Judgy McJudgerson... sure hope to god Suzi never comes to my blog, because she'll probably have a stroke.

10:52 PM  
Blogger metro mama said...

Girl, you should motherfucking write whatever the fuck you want to.

4:19 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

Yep, those trolls come up every now and then to attack mommies who use bad words. Because clearly we're bad mommies if we swear in an adult forum.

I swear when not around my child. Big deal. My value as a mom is not tied to my vocabulary. Just because I had a child doesn't mean I must now do my best to model the virtues of the Virgin Mary.

So swear away - it won't stop me from reading! (Besides, do you really want readers who are that uptight about language?)

5:28 AM  
Blogger mamatulip said...

Well shit. If swear words mean you're a bad mother then I am the baddest of the bad. I swear all over my blog, probably in 98% of the posts, because I write the stuff that's in my head and them's swear words are in my head. I have always sworn a lot...it's a natural talent. ;)

And yeah, I swear in front of my kids from time to time. IMO, there are worse things that I could be doing than dropping a f-bomb in front of my three year old.

5:28 AM  
Blogger Motherhood Uncensored said...

Oh shit. Then what does that make me.


Really? It's way better to curse here than tell your kid to Fuck Off, right?

And, I'm with mamatulip -- all of this "hush hush no bad words ever" crap isn't the greatest thing for them. I say, in moderation.

5:47 AM  
Blogger Celebrate Woo-Woo said...

Words only have the power that we give them. If the worst thing my kids ever do is swear, I'm going for the title of world's greatest mom;> Sometimes you just need to express yourself with passion and vulgarity.

6:12 AM  
Blogger Jaelithe said...

A-men. Fuck the trolls.

(And all the people in this world who feel it is their right to govern every single aspect of a woman's life just because she has reproduced. What the FUCK, y'all? Do I tell you that the way you butter your toast in the morning may be adversely affecting the mental development of your cat?)

6:14 AM  
Blogger MamaLee said...

Amazing how some people don't have better things to do.

I actually find myself censoring my language when the kids AREN'T around. Habit, I guess!

Good fricking post!

6:15 AM  
Blogger Slackermommy said...

Whatever! Some people get so offended by curse words. Well that's what the little red x is for in the upper right hand corner. Move on! If you don't like it, don't read it. I hate when people give an opinion that wasn't asked for. I wonder what Judgy McJudgerson would have to say about me being a churchgoer who says "fuck". I can't possibly be a good Christian if I curse? Well I don't curse in church just like I don't curse in front of my children. If a curse word does accidentally slip out in front of them then I apologize and explain that children should not use those words. They are eventually going to hear them somewhere. It's a perk of being a grown-up. I'd much rather have my kids see that I make mistakes and apologize than a self righteous mother with a superiority complex who walks around pointing out everyone else's flaws so she doesn't have to look at her own.

6:20 AM  
Blogger Chantal said...

I got a similar comment a few days ago. The commenter (who was probaly the same one as yours) questioned my being an "intellectual" because I can't watch my mouth.

I didn't even respond, in fact, I couldn't, because it was a bogus address. Which is too bad, because I would have loved to discuss with her/him.

6:46 AM  
Blogger Tendrils said...

Amen! :) My nickname with my friends is Sailor..........and yes I once in awhile swear on my blog, too, but that in no way shape or form affects our abilities to be awesome mommies!!!!

8:14 AM  
Blogger Granny said...

I'm not sure why I keep my writing G rated at least as far as all those words are concerned. (I don't censor comments or put up any kind of a warning). My speech certainly doesn't fall into that category.

It's your blog and there are times when no other words will do.

8:21 AM  
Blogger Pendullum said...

Then I am a bad mom, and my mom was a bad mom and her mom was a bad mom...I come from a bad line of mothers...and I couldn't be prouder...

8:41 AM  
Blogger The Flip Flop Mamma! said...

If saying cuss words now and then is the worst thing you do on your own time, then more power to ya! People need to find bigger things to complain about, seriously. Or if they don't like your writing, then don't bother commenting and move on!

11:23 AM  
Blogger jennster said...

i cuss all the time.. but never around blake. and if you asked him, he'd tell you i don't say a foul word EVER! lol
being a foul mouthed whore is just who i am....

11:38 AM  
Anonymous Andrea said...

You are a terrible mother. Your child is obviously neglected and based on your masthead I bet you're an alcoholic, too.

Some people just need to lighten the fuck up. I bet your emailer would feel a little more free herself if she dropped an f-bomb or two. Really. There's a time and place where curse words are okay and where they're not. This time and this space is obviously where you can let that side of life out so you DON'T say, "pick up your fucking toys!" once in awhile.

11:44 AM  
Blogger Shortie said...

People need to get a life. Really.

11:45 AM  
Blogger Christina_the_wench said...

It's sad people feel the need to judge our writing. I agree. They don't have to read it. Move your ass along if you don't like it.

12:05 PM  
Anonymous sam said...

Oh fuck. I'm going to hell.

I swear all. the. time. In front of my child, to my husband. I can't have a conversation with him without one of us dropping an f-bomb.

If my use of colourful language dictates how well I take care of my child, then he would be naked in the backyard eating dog shit by now.

12:28 PM  
Anonymous Momish said...

I must be a shitty mom too! I even slip around the kid (probably a lot more than I even realize). Cursing isn't something you can shield your kids from anyway. It is on TV, in movies and will always be done by others if not yourself. When appropriate, I see nothing wrong. I love people who say "freaking" or "effing" excusing themselves because they are not cursing. Nope. Sorry, those variables are no better than curse words. You might as well go with the real thing!

But I admit, sometimes I use the fake curse words on my blog because otherwise I would sound too redundant!!

12:58 PM  
Blogger business said...

Wow. Sounds like my grandma has been reading your blog. Sorry about that.

4:19 PM  
Anonymous annenahm.com said...

And, oh crapity-fuck-crap, that last comment was me.

4:19 PM  
Blogger Kris said...

You have GOT to be kidding me. You aren't appearing on Sesame Street dropping the f-bomb on Elmo, are you? No.
It's been said in the above comments, but I concur: If she doesn't like it, move on. Are we not allowed to be adults just because we are also mothers? Fucking ridiculous.

5:55 PM  
Blogger Andrea said...

Great post. I agree with you, this is a blog, similar to a diary, which you have chosen to make public. These are your thoughts - your vents. If cussing here makes you feel naughty, or honest, or just better about life, then do it.

I also cuss online sometimes, but never in front of the kids. I vent and then I feel better, and go on to be a good mommy. And I'm a damn good mommy, and so are you.

7:01 PM  
Blogger crazymumma said...

Fuck no.

I swear all the time then say sorrysorrysorry I know I shouldn't and my kids laugh and ask what it means and I explain it to them and how I know it sounds trashy.

And I figure if me swearing on occaision is about as bad as it is going to get for my kids or for anyone who cares to read me then let the words roll off my tongue.

8:06 PM  
Blogger Mommy off the Record said...

You all said it even better than I did.

I'd say this issue's been settled!

Carry on mamas!

8:58 PM  
Anonymous lildb said...

I cannot believe you're still sick. you didn't tell me. and apparently the magic bracelet isn't doing its job. dammit! I'll have to find a newer, better, magicker bracelet.

I never fail to be amazed by those who feel that they can pop into someone else's blog and tell that someone how to run the show. it just blows my fucking mind.

10:53 PM  
Blogger Jessica said...

Oh man if swearing on your blog makes you a bad Mommy than I am hosed. I use cuss words quite often on my blog but I generally do not use them when I am speaking. Especially infront of my kids.

7:24 AM  
Blogger ffbgirl said...

More power to you!

7:28 AM  
Blogger whitetrashmom said...

Being a mom is a dirty job sometimes. That means it includes some 4 letter words. Don't sweat it----if you're bad then you have a lot of company!

8:48 AM  
Blogger Jen said...

As a mother who never swears in front of her children, let me just say that your blog is the perfect place to say whatever shit you fucking want to.

9:21 AM  
Blogger Queen Heather said...

If saying f*ck on your blog is wrong, I don't want to be right.

12:38 PM  
Blogger Momus Anonymous said...

F**K 'em if they can't take a joke.

1:45 PM  
Blogger Jodi said...

Okay, here's my take on that. I abhore swearing. Hate it. However, this is YOUR blog. If you want to swear go right ahead. If I don't like it I will click the red button on the right up there. 'nuf said.

P.S. I haven't not read a post yet because of foul language. I figure everybody has their own right to express themselves how they see fit.

5:24 PM  
Blogger Lawyer Mama said...

You're a great fucking mom. You can write about whatever the fuck you wan't to write about. Ms. Sanctimommy can go fug herself! (Even I have a hard time writing that!) Your children will grow up to be cool and fun adults and hers will grow up to be, well, just like her!

I swear like a sailor too. Can you tell? LOL!

5:57 PM  
Blogger feener said...

i agree with you regarding this is my space, the only person who knows about my blog is my husband, i want to be able to say what i want when i want how i want and NO ONE is allowed to judge me, aren't we judged enough?

6:18 PM  
Blogger Mamma said...

Fuck that shit!

I mean darn that poop.

8:31 PM  
Blogger Fidget said...

hey if you kids can already read cuss words then you are doing a FANTASTIC job parenting

4:52 AM  
Blogger Shelli said...

amen! I try to keep my blog clean for the most part, but I have used language on occasion and I could care less if people think that makes me a bad mom. Just another lame example of mommy-bashing.
Love your post!

10:03 AM  
Blogger Major Bedhead said...

We can't swear, we can't drink, what the fuck are we allowed to do?

11:19 AM  
Blogger Student of Life said...

This medium is similar to television and radio in that the receiver of the message has the power. If you don't like what you see, hear, or read, you can choose to get your entertainment/information elsewhere. Fortunately, the Word Police do not have jurisdiction here in the wonderful world of the internet. Those of us who choose to express ourselves using colorful language can feel free to speak our minds in our own way. You puritanical, judgmental, creatively-challenged people can turn your parental control devices on yourselves and leave the rest of us alone. Moreover, I would be willing to place my non-existent stay-at-home mom salary on a bet that the card-carrying member of the Word Police is not, as she might think, a perfect mommy. There. I said it, and I feel better for having said it.

5:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Save the fake "Cut Outs" for cardboard. It's your blog. I have never once sworn in front of children but I do when I'm in a bar with my friends. You don't need to (or should) put up the nice mommy front 24/7. How normal would that be to have only one personality?!?

10:44 PM  
Blogger carrie said...

So sorry I wasn't here earlier to defend your sailor mouth! :)You know I love ya and think you're a fabulous momma! So, there.


11:56 PM  
Blogger Pumpkin said...

Well, I realise I'm a bit late on this one.....but (as a faveourite cousin of mine always says)
"Fuck that Shit!"
You have 45 comments on this one post telling you how fab a mom you are, hopefully the female who sent you her 'opinion' has read them all and knows how sadly she's viewed!
From what I've read, you are a fantastic mom and hells bells, you are also a PERSON with an actual personality.......that woman is just sucking eggs cos she doesn't have what you've got lass.....there my wee addition to your throng of supporters....keep it up!!!

3:25 PM  
Anonymous Grammar Ghost said...

I don't care about swearing. I care about poor grammar! I enjoy this blog because you are eloquent and express yourself so well. Other blogs, other people: "Lie" means to recline; "lay" means to place. Two different words! Not that difficult (especially if English is your first language). And the misuse of there/their/they're. If you're expressing yourself in writing, the correct word is helpful.
Yes, I am aware there are sentence fragments above. I'm okay with that.

3:25 PM  

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