Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Husband Moves Back to Bed Tonight

For the last 5 months I've been sleeping with another man. OK, it's not what you think. Our bed is only big enough for two, so I gave Husband the boot so I could co-sleep with the baby right after he was born.

So Husband has been sleeping on the extra twin in Little Guy's room and I have been sharing my bed with the baby.

I never co-slept with Little Guy. By the grace of God, Little Guy was an awesome sleeper who slept in his crib from the day he came home from the hospital, started sleeping through the night at 4 1/2 months old, and still to this day could probably sleep through a MAC truck breaking through our living room without so much as an extra snortle.

But this baby is different. Oftentimes, he can only sleep when he is sleeping next to me. And the thing is: I kind of don't mind. Well, I do mind when he wakes up every hour (like the last three nights) and I worry that he will roll off the bed. But I like the closeness. Ah, the closeness. It is wonderful to be able to roll over in bed, pop my boob in his mouth, and drift off to sleep with him. (Sorry, if that's stated in a vulgar way, but it really is a beautiful thing - trust me on this Facebook execs).

But today Husband decided that it is time to "ferber" the baby. He is 5 months old and he really should be sleeping in his crib - so says Husband. And I kind of agree. Kind of.

The honest truth is that I want Husband back in bed with me. But I want the baby in bed with me more. And they can't both be there. There's just not enough room.

However, I want to honor my Husband's request to come back to his bed. But I am sad. I feel like a chapter is ending. A little prematurely in my mind.

The baby is still, well, a baby. Why should he cry it out in his crib when I can soothe him to sleep so easily? It doesn't seem right - even if we agreed to let him cry for only 5 minutes at first.

Right now, I am just dreading hearing him cry at all. From his crib. In the other room. While I lay there in bed with Husband. Missing my baby.


Update and Request: Following the Environmental Working Group's report on BPA in baby formula (and blogger reactions to it), Congress has launched an investigation into the use of BPA in the linings of formula containers. Yay! Score one for EWG and mamas everywhere! Here's a link to a story on Congress' investigation.

EWG is now surveying parents on their kid's soft drink consumption as a way to gather data about routine exposures to common soft drink ingredients. It's a short survey, and anyone who takes it will get a free update with the results once they've compiled them. To take this survey, and help out with the study, please click here. Pretty please! It's for a good cause!


Have you seen the cool (and safe!) Klean Kanteen sippy cup and organic cotton Moby Wrap we're giving away over here? We've got a bunch of neat "green" goodies lined up to give away over the next few weeks too!


Blogger KrisUnderwood said...

My situation was a little different, but the girl and I did co-sleep, despite whatever everyone else's advice was. It was so awesome, especially in the early months-the whole popping the boob in the mouth and dropping off to sleep again was the best! Co- sleeping made everything easier.

Instead of the crib, ever think of those co-sleepers you put next to the bed? Or would Husband disagree?

11:34 AM  
Blogger Damselfly said...

With Fly, logistics didn't enable me to co-sleep. But now I kind of wish I had at least tried it. A few times, I was able to nap with him, which was great.

11:44 AM  
Anonymous workout mommy said...

oh, I so understand! My little guy isn't in my bed (at least not all night!) but in a bassinet next to me. He is outgrowing it and we are discussing the big move to his own room and I am so sad!! I did the same with son #1 but the transition seemed easier, although I'm not sure why!I hope it goes ok for you!

12:24 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Chicky said...

By that age I was just ready to kick Chicky out of bed. It was a good age for us and I can't imagine doing it sooner.

Good luck!

1:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm sorry - I don't think men really get how attached you get to the wee one while co-sleeping. I only bring the baby into bed with me early in the morning for a feeding and a quick sleep. I'm going to miss that when it's all done. Best of luck!


4:16 PM  
Anonymous chelle said...

At nine months our little guy now sleeps in his own crib :( I miss him. We co-slept but it was crowded and to respect my husband (he was all for it at first too and if I pouted he would have gave in)

I still nurse throughout the night and since it was *his* idea my husband gets him when he cries and brings him to me, I nurse him then take him to bed. I always nurse him to sleep. Now he sleeps better on his own ... it is sad that he is growing up but I would not change a thing.

Good luck

4:23 PM  
Blogger Kyla said...

I'm not made for co-sleeping. I just can't sleep while being touched. But if you're not ready...maybe a bed big enough for three is the answer?

7:33 AM  
Blogger Kris said...

My utmost sympathies. Hearing my daughter cry in her crib alone makes me want to throw up. Good luck and my thoughts will be with you tonight.

9:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ladies, I hate to be the negative one, the lousy "who invited her?" one but I can't help but respond. Three years ago in Vancouver, my brothers best friend lost his little baby boy(3 mos.) from co-sleeping. So similar...dad slept in another bed so that mom and baby had more room and he was awaken to screaming in the middle of the night. Somehow the baby had suffocated. Their marriage could not withstand the stress and blame and guilt. They are now divorced. Very very sad. I'm sure they thought it would never happen to them.

11:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can you move the twin out of your boy's room, and push it up against your bed? I'd hate for the wonderful co-sleeping to stop. My parent's have a queen, and a twin pushed together in one of their spare rooms so we can all sleep together when we stay at their house! just an idea!

2:41 PM  
Anonymous Fog City Mommy said...

I still co-sleep but that 's because it's freaking cold!!!! Ricky has his own bed in the same room though.

7:45 PM  
Blogger kgirl said...

we're pretty much 4 in a bed right now, but anticipating that this would be the case most of the time, we bought a crib that adjusted to exactly the height of our bed, took off one side (it's meant to do this as a toddler bed), and side-carred it against the bed, extending the size of the bed.

i'm still cramped but that's because i have dove attached to my boob on one side, and bee curled into the small of my back on the other. and i wouldn't want it any other way.

and shame on anonymous for even mentioning such a story. it's a tragedy yes, but so is the fact that we are about the only part of the whole freakin world that thinks it is abnormal to sleep with our babies.

8:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My friend died on his 21st birthday. Someone ran a red light and hit him in a cross walk. Funny, I still use cross walks and cross streets. Beats staying home and never going out.
Sometimes life sucks. Babies die of SIDs (mostly in cribs), pneumonia, house fires, car accidents, so do adults. If a baby dies in a crib or in an adult bed or from a congenital defect its hard on a marriage.
The empirical fact is more babies die in cribs than in adult beds.
There are also better ways to transition a baby to a crib than Ferber. Leaving a baby to cry ALONE, alters their brain development - PERMANENTLY. This has been proven with MRI studies. I also happen to think it violates the Geneva convention. In a dark quiet room you are depriving your child of sight, sound, taste, smell, and motion.
There have been great ideas for getting all 3 of you in a bed(s). I think that is best for everyone.
However, if you insist on the crib... why not wait until baby is asleep then put him down in the crib. When he wakes up crying - go meet his needs and get him back to sleep - in the crib. Why does a crib have to equal crying alone?
Is it more work? Well yeah, that's parenting. Putting another person before yourself. What type of adult do you want your child to be? Selfish and lazy or caring with a strong work ethic?

7:18 AM  
Blogger Jill said...

I second what Flip Flop Mama said - bring the extra twin in your room and make a nest big enough for everyone! But you can take my advice with a grain of salt because I co-sleep with my 23 month old AND 5 year old in my room with a king sized and twin mattress pushed together. It's heaven!

9:07 AM  
Blogger The Domesticator said...

Oh Cristina....it is so sad when a chapter ends...but then it is also the beginning of something else, right? Hopefully, something even better!

I must say, I never co-slept with any of my kids. They went right to the crib their first day home from the hospital. Thankfully, it worked well for all three of them, and for me. I was always afraid I would roll over on them, Besides, I don't like to be touched when I sleep....weird. Not sure why, because I love to cuddle with my kids (and the hubby) just not when I have sleep on my mind.

Anyway, good luck with the transition. ;-)

11:11 AM  
Blogger Slackermommy said...

I co-slept with all mine and it was hard when they first moved into their cribs (around 4-5 months). I did sleep better though because I didn't have to worry about rolling on them anymore.

10:01 PM  
Blogger Virtualsprite said...

I never co-slept with the Goober, but I stayed in the same room with him until he weaned himself at 9 months. I knew it was time then because neither one of us could get any sleep sharing a room, much less trying to share a bed. (I was still single at this time, so no husband to worry about.)

I can't say what's right for you, but you will find it. Everyone has their opinions and most everything can be backed up with "scientific" fact. Maybe give it some time with the little one in his own room. He might transition better than you think.

10:34 PM  
Blogger Mommy Bits said...

I had a similar experience. My first was a great sleeper, my second - not so much.

I agree with you about the closeness. There is something so wonderful and special about snuggling with them when they are little.

6:34 PM  

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