Friday, October 03, 2008

Let's Call the Whole Thing Off

I can't take it anymore. I can't take it.

I don't know what to do.

This withholding. It's driving me crazy.

my day is at least 6 clean-ups. bad days are 10.

It's not about potty training. Potty training is the least of the problems.

Daycare has labeled him special needs. Because he won't poop. He can poop. He just won't poop. They said, "Maybe this isn't the daycare for you." Maybe not because though he is normal in every physical way, he has a fear of pooping.

A fucking fear of pooping.

So he has to be on a laxative now. I hope it won't cause him cancer.

My mother in law calls me a bad mother.

I guess I am.

Nothing we do is helping. Everything we do is not helping. Or so it seems.

I finally found one book about this called Constipation, Withholding and Your Child. by anthony cohn. Now I know what he has. And it's even more worrisome.

I know i sound like SUCH a whiner.

But I may have to quit my job because of this. Quit. my. job.

To stay home and clean my three year olds diapers.

And he's so smart. Has so much promise. ANd this just getting in the way.

It's been a year. And I'm at my ropes end.

When he's 15 years old, will he still be soiling like children with functional fecal retention?

When he's in grade school, will the nurse have to give him an enema every week like the story I read in this book? So he will grow up with this phobia foever, hiding dirty underwear. Pretending there is no problem.

ANd yeah, I sound like I'm crazy. I am crazy. Who's not crazy, right? Who???


Blogger Mary-LUE said...

You don't sound crazy! You sound like a mom who is at the end of her rope. At least, it feels like it is the end of the rope... but it isn't. There is still a lot more rope... okay, I meant that to sound encouraging.

Years from now, this will be a blip on the horizon. It is yucky and horrible and bad, but it WILL pass. I know it will.

I've known other moms who've had trouble with their sons (usually) having poop accidents as old as seven years old.

Poop happens.

Regarding the laxative... are there any natural laxatives you can try. I wouldn't be too concerned myself with a chemical one for a few months, but hey, when my son was little, I was the Queen of Dimetapp.

However, it there are natural ones AND you are worried, try them.

P.S. By the way, the parents I know who's kids had poop issues? They were all pretty bright kids. Why the two go together , I don't know, but sometimes, brains and poop do.

I wish I could be there for you in some other way, but know I am thinking about you and I have no doubts about your ability to get through this!!!

3:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't know what to say, but I do want to say please don't jump so easily to thinking you are a bad mother... please.....

4:46 PM  
Blogger Kyla said...

KayTar has been on a laxative for over two years now and we are just thankful it exists, otherwise she'd probably have a perforated colon by now. Treating something does not make you a bad mother...or else, I'm really in trouble. ;)

I know it is not easy when something isn't quite right with your kiddo, but I hope this is just a blip, MOTR, and the future will look nothing like your worries paint it to be. Hang in there.

7:11 AM  
Blogger Andrea said...

You're not crazy, but if this made you crazy, that would be understandable. We had this problem for only a few months, and less extreme, and I totally went crazy!!! So I can only imagine how you are feeling. As far as your MIL, I think I would ignore her calls for a long while. You don't need that. Could you try a different doctor or kid psychologist? Am I out of line for suggesting that? The reason I suggest it is because, if I were in your shoes, I would try everything that you are trying and then feel just as bad when it didn't work... so I'd want an expert to guide/help me. In fact, we were just talking about hiring a Nanny911 type person for E's extreme, and worsening tantrums. We are at the end of our rope and out of ideas. Hang in there. Love you. Andrea

4:19 PM  
Blogger Sarah said...

if you email me your address I'll send you some Dr. Bach's :)

I wish I had the golden egg of advice to make it all better. Hang in there.

3:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anti-anxiety drugs may also help you make strides towards overcoming your phobias. These medications are prescription strength and are available for both long-term and short-term use. One example of a drug xanax , it has help people with phobias is benzodiazepine. Often, medication works best in conjunction with other types of therapy treatments.

10:14 PM  
Blogger Maggie said...

I just found your blog...if your son is traumatized by pooping, maybe a therapy called EMDR could help him heal. Google it! My daughter had anxiety and obsessive complusive tendancies until we did one EMDR session. The change in her was phenomenal! Just a thought I had. Good luck! The best book about kids and EMDR is called Small Wonders: Healing Childhood Trauma with EMDR.

5:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh dear I feel for you, I really do

You see I'm coming out of the closet. Well not really. I'm still annon but I want to let you know you're not alone. My son will be 10 in 4 months. He has this problem. It doesn't get better. Atleast for him it hasn't. The worst we have to deal with is the smell. He smells something awful. And I can never get it (the smell) out of his underwear. That is when he wears it. He has taken the fancy that if he doesn't have undies on he isn't pooping his pants. So uh what's the brown stuff in your jeans bud? This makes me so sad. It's really embarrasing top be out in public and have to smell like crap when we go out aas agroup. You can tell folks are either trying to figure out which one of us shit their pants or if all of us did. Then there are those that avoid us like the black plague. Once I sprayed him with Glade before we left home. trust me it doesn't work. The smell is awful. And sorry to say I will be glad when he leaves home and takes it with him.

1:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

youre not crazy. im going through the same thing. its heartbreaking frustrating and really wearing me out. my husband and i fight. we cancel plans depending on where we are in my sons poop week. its hell on earth to watch the child you adore ruin his own little life over frickin poop!!! try everything. stay calm and just know that eventually SOMETHING will work.

5:59 AM  
Blogger Laura M said...

Is there still a group about this? Is like to join.

12:48 PM  

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