Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Untitled

Toliet water splashes up into my face.
God. I have to work on my technique.
Note to self: barfing closer to the bowl causes less splashing. Yes, that’s it. Don’t forget.

I have become familiar with this position.
Two arms lying across the edges of the toilet seat, head down in the bowl.
Sometimes I welcome it. Barfing brings 20 minutes of relief. Guaranteed.

It’s 8:00am. And my third trip to the toilet so far. It will be a long day.
Little thoughts creep into my head.

I’ll never do this again.
Two is the perfect number.
Adoption is always an option.


For a moment, I forget why this is what I want.
I am ashamed to be so unhappy.
I should not be unhappy.
I am happy, damnit.

Bleh.

I wipe my mouth with toliet paper and rest my head on the toilet seat.

From down the hallway I hear footsteps. Little pitter-patters coming closer.
He always comes when I get sick.

I don't look up, but I feel him there. His little baby hand reaches across my back and circles my neck. He puts his curly head on my shoulder and embraces me.

“Mama”, I hear him say.

Yes. Now I remember why.

I am happy.

49 Comments:

Blogger Nicole said...

WI hate when that happens. The water splashing in the face thing. So nasty!!

That was so sweet. Him hugging you. That is EXACTLY why we do it.

6:36 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

In a weird kind of way you may me smile....very sweet...women do it because it we love them so much. Good luck with the morning sickness. I honestly hope it passes soon.

6:41 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

In a weird kind of way you may me smile....very sweet...women do it because we love them so much. Good luck with the morning sickness. I honestly hope it passes soon.

6:43 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

In a weird kind of way you may me smile....very sweet...women do it because we love them so much. Good luck with the morning sickness. I honestly hope it passes soon.

6:44 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

In a weird kind of way you may me smile....very sweet...women do it because we love them so much. Good luck with the morning sickness. I honestly hope it passes soon.

6:46 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

How sweet in a weird kind of way....I honestly hope your morning sickness passes soon....that is so sweet your little guy patting you....cute.

6:47 PM  
Blogger dcrmom said...

Oh, man, girl. I've been wondering why not so many posts from you. Misery. Hope it ends soon. What a sweet little guy you have.

7:06 PM  
Blogger Catch said...

You poor thing...I remember morning sickness very well....but you have such a sweet little guy there to cheer you up! Hope you get past the pukey part real soon!

7:10 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

Yes, I agree that it is worth it to go through all this again.

At the same time, I will remember the letter I wrote to myself on my blog should I ever think of having another. Two is enough for me.

7:39 PM  
Anonymous Blonde Chick said...

Good for you.

Of course thats why we keep putting ourselves through it all -- over and over again.

Hope you start to feel better soon!

8:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Toilet water in the face is terrible. Toilet water in the open-still-heaving mouth is even worse. Sending you love from another sicko prego.
~Elizabeth (devriesthree)

8:52 PM  
Blogger Mom101 said...

The good the bad and the ugly...you capture them all to a tee. Fortunately the ugly will pass after about 14 weeks.

9:01 PM  
Blogger Jodi said...

OHHHH, how sad and happy all at the same time. I was sooo sick with my boys too so I can feel your pain. It really sucks, the morning sickness, ugh it makes my stomach roll to think about it. I am a bad pregnant lady. I hope you feel better very soon!

9:05 PM  
Blogger The Flip Flop Mamma! said...

I feel so bad for you!!! and I feel so horrible about ever complaining about the little bit of nausea I get!

How sweet of him to put his arm around you! He loves his mama!! Sweet boy.

9:22 PM  
Anonymous annenahm.com said...

I just puked a little in my mouth thinking about toilet water on the face. Soooooo gross. Glad it is worth it.

9:51 PM  
Blogger Kristen said...

awe. Don't get me all sentimental and wanting to get pregnant again!

10:16 PM  
Blogger Reese said...

Sweetie, I'm so sorry. :(

Hey have you figured me out yet? Email. LOL

4:58 AM  
Blogger Mamacita Tina said...

It's amazing how a child's mere smile or touch makes our aches and pains go away.

Hang in there. Sending you a hug.

5:04 AM  
Blogger dodo said...

euch! hope you're feeling better today

5:11 AM  
Blogger Janet a.k.a. "Wonder Mom" said...

God that was precious.

Hope you are feeling better.

5:20 AM  
Blogger Mrs. Chicky said...

Aw, hon, I am so sorry you are so sick. Just a little bit longer and it should be over. Until then, hug your baby tight.

6:11 AM  
Anonymous Andrea said...

Well, hubs and I am officially trying now, so as dumb as it sounds, I'm a little jealous of your nausea because of what it represents.

Oh the reward! I'm so happy for you! SQUEE!

7:47 AM  
Blogger Jill Urbane, The Mentor Mom said...

Awwww, it's amazing how compassionate they can be at such a young age, isn't it?

8:00 AM  
Blogger Kyla said...

I've never had a cleaner toilet than when I was pregnant. Having your head in there 24/7 really helps you keep an eye on how things are looking. *lol*

Little Guy is a sweetie!

8:11 AM  
Blogger Jenn said...

Awwwwwwwwww
*tear*

8:59 AM  
Blogger PunditMom said...

That was an amazingly sweet wat to write about such an awful experience. I must say, though, as an adoptive mom, I did not feel I had missed anything by skipping the morning sickness.

11:10 AM  
Blogger Pattie said...

3 words for you:
Ginger Snap Cookies. They helped me so much when I was pregnant. Can't hurt to try it right? I think they have a natural anti-emetic in it to help quell the queasies.

I hope it eases up for you soon. That is just the worst. On a happier note, what a sympathetic little man you are raising!

11:32 AM  
Blogger Jen said...

I just came back to see if my comment was up...so sorry it posted a million times.....LOL!

11:47 AM  
Blogger Gingers Mom said...

That is incredibly sweet. What a little cutie pie!! It is so worth it. It's hard to remember sometimes and that is OK. It's normal to feel that way when you are in the mist of the bleecchs! Feel better soon. Just think soon you will feel the baby move for the first time. That is always great.

12:00 PM  
Blogger scribbit said...

OOOHH, I feel for you. And you remind me why I'm where I am.

12:45 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Wow. Sending you hugs. And gosh I hope you soon find something that will help with the splashing and the barfing and the exhaustion. Very, very soon!

1:28 PM  
Blogger Slackermommy said...

It's so funny how we can't wait to be pregnant, then we bitch and moan through the pregnancy and feel like the end will never come only to want them back in once they are out. I did this with all four of mine except now I'm definitely done baby making!

2:47 PM  
Blogger Slackermommy said...

It's so funny how we can't wait to be pregnant, then we bitch and moan through the pregnancy and feel like the end will never come only to want them back in once they are out. I did this with all four of mine except now I'm definitely done baby making!

2:48 PM  
Blogger carrie said...

I know the whole thing sucks right now, but that last little bit (the remembering "why" we do this) was so sweet.

I wish there was something they could give you so it would stop.

Carrie

4:09 PM  
Blogger Mary-LUE said...

What a sweet boy!

10:00 PM  
Blogger The Mad Momma said...

You bet it is... with the Brat 21 months old and my next one 4 weeks or so away... I am big, bulky and tired... and when my son wakes up and smiles out of his crib and says Mamma come... I know that is why I am doing it... but you're so right.. there is always adoption if we want #3!!!!

And I am so glad we have loving little boys...

11:37 PM  
Blogger radioactive girl said...

I am so sorry you are still sick! It is all worth it in the end, but it is sometimes hard to remember when you are feeling so sick and yucky! I hope you feel better soon!

5:27 AM  
Anonymous AdventureDad said...

I've been reading about people puking the whole week.... It's kind of a cute but disgusting story:-)) Hope u feel better soon

AD

8:06 AM  
Blogger Pendullum said...

Ohhh....

I wish it would pass...

So glad your little Buddy is trying to take care of his Mommy...

9:26 AM  
Anonymous TB said...

I'm so sorry you're having a hard time but thanks for this. When you're in the middle of the bad parts of pregnancy it is really easy to forget. And for me, this is my first so I don't really have any idea how good it's going to get.

1:12 PM  
Blogger Em said...

I'm a man so I won't even pretend to know how you feel. But my wife would sympathize. Threw up all 9 months of all 3 pregnancies...hospitalized once due to dehydration. Hang in there.

2:13 PM  
Blogger Dirty Birdie said...

Oh honey I remember those days, not so fondly. Don't feel bad about feeling bad. That rare woman who has no nausea and gains only 15lbs and looks perfect every day of her pregnancy is either faking her pregnancy or is a mutant.

If someone hasn't recommended it already, I highly recommend Tension Tamer tea, it worked miracles for my stomach.

{{hugs}}

2:28 PM  
Blogger Damselfly said...

Geez, I hope you feel better!

And btw, I've never read a more eloquent essay on throwing up. You win.

2:36 PM  
Blogger Mommy off the Record said...

Em: I am in awe that your wife endured 3 pregnancies with hyperemensis. (I'm assuming that's what she had if she threw up for NINE months.) I shudder at the thought of it. Your wife is awesome.

Dirty Birdie: thanks for recommending the tea. I'll try it out.

8:18 PM  
Blogger Red Rollerskate said...

That is so sweet. I wish I could see him again. He sounds like a real lover (the best ones!)

9:07 PM  
Blogger lildb said...

snifffffff

Oh, C. I can't wait til you feel better. I worry about you every damn day, right now.

bring on trimester numero dos.

9:16 AM  
Blogger Heidi said...

ugh, I hear ya...some days I'm just floored all day long too. You've got the reason right though - they are the best!!!

I have found that on some days this Ginger aid tea from traditional medicinals works wonders. Not necessarily for that first bit of morning stuff (for me I got sick every morning for 7 months with my son) but after that if I make a pot and sip it through out the day it seems to head off the worst of it.

Here's a link to their site - I can get it at my local coop and health food store. The taste is a bit spicy like ginger but I like it.
http://www.traditionalmedicinals.com/?id=31&pid=77

8:06 PM  
Blogger Mommy off the Record said...

Heidi,

Thank you so much for posting the link. I will try it out. I appreciate it!

Cristina

8:41 PM  
Anonymous Jenny said...

Best thing I've read all week.

Almost makes me wish I was pregnant.

Almost.

4:28 PM  

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