Of Bad Men and Roller Coasters
Severed body parts
A roller coaster ride that goes out of control
Men trying to get into my house to kill my family
These are the types of dreams I've been having lately. WTF is going on? I never had weird dreams while I was pregnant and now all of a sudden I'm practically afraid to go to bed at night.
I have psychoanalyzed myself and I think that I am having these dreams because I am afraid (duh).
Specifically, I am afraid for my children. I am afraid of loving them so much and yet not really ever being able to ensure their safety in this world. I am irrationally afraid of losing them somehow.
I double check all the window locks before we go to bed. I triple check their seat belts before I drive them anywhere. I obsess about cancer-causing shampoos and toxic sippy cups.
I worry even when I don't think I'm worrying. And it's just gotten worse since the new baby was born.
I want to make sure they will be safe. Always. Yet, I know that I don't have full control over their safety. And this is what scares me. It scares me as much as severed body parts and bad men and faulty roller coasters.
I wish I could go back to that cozy state of denial where I believe that nothing bad can ever happen. How do I get back there?