Mind Your Own Business, Mommy?
When it comes to relating to other moms, I realize that there’s a big difference between being nosy and judgmental and being a caring, concerned friend. For example, while the judgemental mom might make her mommy friend feel guilty for not properly bundling up her child on an outing to the park in cold weather, the concerned but caring mom would simply offer an extra blanket if she had one to spare.
However, I often find that the line between being judgmental and being concerned is not always so easy to judge....[read on]
However, I often find that the line between being judgmental and being concerned is not always so easy to judge....[read on]
posted by Cristina @10:08 PM
20 Comments:
Its always hard to know what to do when giving advice, esp if it isnt ask for. I would have probably done the same thing you did....bit my tounge and regretted it later. You would think everyone would know about skaken baby syndrome....aside from the fact that what if the baby got hit in the face with one of those balls being whacked at you. Thats a tough call...no wonder you didnt know what to do.
Me. I probably would have acted dumb and just asked "Doesn't she shake around a lot and what if a ball hits her?" Because I would want to know her answer...But then, we'd probably not be friends anymore if I insulted her...and I'd be fine with that...I hate mommy groups anyway...
Jeez. Can someone be that dopey?!
I think I would have done what Janet said.
Sorry to sound judgemental, but how can someone be so stupid?
Holy shit.....she is nuts. At first I thought of the balls hitting her in tennis then I thought of the shaking...for some reason the word selfish comes to mind......there are some things you just have to put on the back burner when it comes to your kids....great post....happy halloween....
No, you were just concerned and with good reason! You can't be that reckless with a baby.
Recently I found Britax seats on craigslist. They were going for $35 a piece and when I asked why they were so cheap, she said because they were SIX YEARS OLD. Then I immediately wrote her that carseats expire and God forbid you get into an accident and your child's hips displace or they are rocketed out of the seat and strangled by the seat belt. I sent her a few emails about how plastics degrade and that's what they mean by expiration date. All I got was, "Oh no, these are Britax and they look just fine."
You can't convince some people, even if you do say something.
Yikes. Moron. I left you a comment over there...
I agree she was nuts, but we call Scrabble "DIVORCE" in this house. (I'm a sore loser.)
Oh yeah! There's the whole danger of the baby getting hit in the face with the ball. I didn't even think about that. Duh. I was so focused on the shaking thing.
After a few times of meeting her, I actually think she's just weird. For all I know, she made that up for attention. I still can't believe she's really that stupid.
Mona: you are so thoughful to email that woman about the carseat. Too bad she didn't listen. It is amazing what people will do to make a buck.
Oh the Joys: Yes, Scrabble can get pretty nasty. LOL
Ignorance is not bliss, in this example. It's hard to figure out how to approach things like that though. Sometimes coming off judgmental can turn the person off to the message being conveyed and the danger is not assessed, while the concerned party is only alienated.
It depends on the person. Alot of people make it clear they don't want other's opinions. Some people just aren't educated. I don't think there is anything wrong with mentioning it in passing in a delicate manner.
For shaken baby syndrome, you really do have to shake the baby quite hard. But I don't know how you get around NEVER letting the baby get hit with the ball. Weird.
When it come to something I just don't agree with: amount of snack, tv, etc., I just let it go. When it comes to safety, I would try to say something. I like what Janet said, Play dumb and then you might still get your point across.
Some people...
Wow, when I first read that she had the baby with her, I was thinking in a stroller on the sidelines or something. I can't even picture someone bouncing around with the baby in a carrier. Maybe she's extra careful? But -- I don't know. Just doesn't seem like the best idea ever.
My husband and i played scrabble once....but the flying tiles and game board were a whole different kind of dangerous. :)
It's a hard call to make and an even finer line to toe. You did what you thought was right and no one can fault you for that! Chin up!
Aren't scrabble tiles a choking hazard? I tend to find myself choking on the baord whenever I have the temerity to beat P.
Wha? I can't even wrap my head around that.
I probably wouldn't have said anything either, but Janet's solution seems like the best one, and I totally would have thought of saying that, about 10 minutes after she left.
I can't believe she did that to her child. Even though she probably had no idea about shaken baby syndrome, it's absolutely not safe for her to carry her child that way :(.
If I were in your situation, I think I would talk to her privately and told her what I feel. I don't care if she would dump me. Losing a friend is 'better' than letting a friend put a child in danger.
Wow. Great article. And that was a tough position to be put into... If I was doing something very stupid, I'd want to be told. (I'd hope they'd pull me aside without an audience.)
I've been in a position where you don't know what to do there either. And Gah. It does tug at your conscience.
Oh my word....when I read the post I was sick to my stomach, thinking of a mother playing sports with her baby strapped into the Bjorn. That is wrong. And I don't care if I'm judgemental! Sheesh! I'm still shocked!
This is so upsetting... I couldn't stop thinking about that poor baby. Parents should be required to meet minimum intelligence standards before they leave the hospital...
UGH!
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