Tuesday, May 02, 2006

I'm Feelin' Lucky

*Read this post to the bottom, cuz there might just be 1,000 bucks in it for you.*

For the last 6 months, I've been pumping breastmilk 2-3 times a day in the lactation room at work. Nothing exciting ever really happens to me in the lactation room. Until recently....

The first incident happened last Thursday. I had just placed my boobs into my Madela Pump-in-Style breastsheilds, cranked up the pump, and opened the latest People magazine to catch up on important celebrity gossip, when over the loudspeaker I hear:

Attention! Attention! An emergency has been reported in the building. Please cease operations and exit the building immediately using the nearest exit or fire exit. Attention! Attention! An emergency has been reported in the building...

My first instinct, honed by years of grade school fire drills, was to flee immediately. But then I remembered that I work for a government agency, where someone is always setting off the smoke alarm by accidently burning popcorn in the microwave. So I kept on pumping. Cause I'm not gonna let burned popcorn prevent me from getting liquid gold to my baby. (As you might have guessed, I'm OK. There was some type of fire, but no injuries reported. Probably someone left their coffee mug warmer on all day and it blew a fuse or something.)

So then this week, I'm pumping away in the lactation room again...and the entire building's power goes out. I'm like what the f---? So there I am in complete darkness. As there were no windows in the room, I couldn't even see my hand in front of my face. However, luckily the pump was still going strong. Apparently, the engineers who designed our building decided that back-up power would be really important to have in the lactation room. You know, just in case this type of situation should occur. So I just kept on going and was totally proud of the fact that I pumped for 5 minutes, removed my breastshields, capped my milk bottles, and packed away my pump in utter darkness without losing a single drop of milk. Talk about skill. Next time I'm at a meeting and they're doing one of those icebreakers where they ask you to share something about yourself, I'll have something new to say: "Hi, I'm Mommy off the Record, and one of my talents is assembling and dissasembling a breast pump with my eyes closed."

Anyway, I know what you're thinking. Where does the $1000 bucks come in? Well, I'm feeling pretty darn lucky to have escaped two semi-emergencies in the lactation room within such a short timeframe. I mean, what are the chances that I would be caught off guard not once but twice with my boobs in breastshields and lived to tell about it?

So, in honor of this lucky streak, I want to play the lotto. I never play, but now I've got that lucky feeling. And I'd like your help. I want you to suggest one number--your lucky number, your birthday, whatever--and I will put the numbers together in the order I receive them and then play them next week. If I win more than $50,000 playing one of your numbers, then I will give you $1000. The only rule is that you can't give the same number that someone else has. Oh yeah, and the number has to be between 1 and 56.

(And no, this is not some lame ditch effort to get comments. Well, it kinda is, but I will play your numbers. Pinky swear.)


Blogger Catch said...

too funny.....# 52....I wish you luck on the lottery!

10:59 PM  
Blogger Catch said...

Ive just been reading thru your blog....and laughing...I will read it daily, its very funny! Is that your baby in the picture? He is so cute!!! And you are hysterical....lol...I love it!

11:11 PM  
Blogger sunshine scribe said...

Who new the lactation room could be so exciting?!? ha ha

So mine is #3...go win some millions sista

3:45 AM  
Blogger Marcie said...

My number is 30. And props to you on your breastpumping skills.

4:44 AM  
Anonymous Kvetch said...

My number is 7. And who knew there was anything called a "Lactation Room" anyway.

4:49 AM  
Blogger Mega Mom said...

22. Best #!

You are quite talented!

5:08 AM  
Blogger Pattie said...

I must admit...if I were in a room without windows and the lights went out, I might have FREAKED OUT!!!
My lucky number: 11

5:10 AM  
Blogger mama_tulip said...

I don't have a lucky number...and even if I did, I'm way too impressed with your mad skillz to even think about lucky numbers. LOL. Go, go, gadget breastpumps!

5:33 AM  
Anonymous rhonda said...

37 baby! And wow, I can't believe that craziness happened to you TWICE!

5:38 AM  
Blogger Jodi said...

I couldn't pump in the middle of te day in the midst of NO real or imagined emergencies. So I am quite impressed. Put me down for #28. Very cool, I hope you win at LEAST a cool million.

8:35 AM  
Blogger cameo said...

#27. I realize that I'm #9 on this list. How many number you gonna play? And good luck with that! I'd love to have an extra grand!

9:48 AM  
Blogger Piece of Work said...

I'm still in awe that there IS a lactation room.


9:48 AM  
Blogger Catherine said...

I think more like Marcie than I realized, 'cause 30 would've been my number. But it looks like you already have plenty of numbers anyway, so i'll just bid you all good luck!!

10:50 AM  
Blogger C. H. Green said...

I loved this hilarious post. Glad I found your blog. Come by and visit me sometime.

12:28 PM  
Blogger Undercover Angel said...

I pick 21. Good luck!

1:11 PM  
Blogger Marla said...

I like 8. Because it's my numerology number.

And, like, when you turn it on its side, it's like the symbol for infinity (starts spinning around in a broomstick skirt with bare feet and puts a daisy in hair and flashes the peace sign).

Or like b**bs! (scampers away and snickers)

1:17 PM  
Blogger Mommy off the Record said...

Yeah! I'm so excited for all the numbers. Thanks everyone!

I'm planning to play as many #s as I get today. I'll be posting more about it later this week...

Yes, i feel very lucky to have a lactation room. It is better than a bathroom stall, kwim?

Wow--8 on it's side IS like boobs! Too funny--that one's gotta be a winner!

2:05 PM  
Blogger Kendra said...

That was funny. I don't think I could be that skillful in the dark. My number for you is 14.

2:18 PM  
Anonymous Nancy said...

It might be too late, but my number is 4.

And I'm cracking up because I too work for a government agency -- and I always wonder when the fire alarm goes off if it's a rogue hotpot or someone who burned their popcorn or some such thing. ;-)

You have some serious skillz with the pumping equipment, fer sure.

3:45 PM  
Blogger Mommy off the Record said...

Nope, not too late Nancy. Gotcha down for #4. :)

4:54 PM  
Blogger mommy on the verge said...

WOW! Um, I guess you can play 27. I think someone watches you go in to pump and then pulls the fire alarm to see if you will run out with just your soaking bra. Just a thought.

5:14 PM  
Anonymous Izzy said...

Lucky 7 baby!

And high fives on your pumping-in-the-dark!

7:02 PM  
Anonymous chelle said...

hehe ok I so want you to win!! Even if you only (hmm) win $49,000, not spilling pumped milk in utter darkness deserves an award!

13 is my lucky number!! Best of luck!

(thanks for stopping by my blog, the rest of your blog entries are awesome so I am glad we crossed paths!)

11:00 PM  
Blogger jennster said...

23 dammit! that's my number!

12:36 PM  
Anonymous Mama C-ta said...

Crap I'm only 3 days late!! Well if you ever need another lucky number try 15. Although it's never brought me any luck but still my lucky number darn it!

hehe, you said you pumped in "utter darkness." Ha, pumping your utters.

I always admire those who pump b/c I've only pumped about 5 times during our nursing career (he wouldn't take bottles) and it was a pain. So the fact you do this at work to give your baby breastmilk is wonderful! And man, cool to hear some places actually provide lactation rooms. Every place needs one of those!

1:26 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Chicky said...

Damn, girl... you've got skills!

#41 - That's my lucky number. I have no idea why, though. Hope I'm not too late!

7:39 PM  

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