Thursday, March 30, 2006

my separation anxiety fix

His face crumbles and reddens.
His eyes turn to slits.
He pouts his lips,
and out escapes


As I let go, the cry deepens
as he twists
his body
in my direction
and lifts his arms,
as if to say, don’t leave me!
Even though he’s being held by daddy.

I know that one day he won’t be tied to me like this. One day he will run out of the house without a thought, without a kiss goodbye. To play with friends. To go to school. To travel and experience. To find his way.

But I will always have this secret, special image, wrapped up like a present in my memory. I will get to remember back to when mama was his whole world. And I will know that, for a little while at least, mama was as important to baby as baby will always, always be to mama.

Saturday, March 25, 2006

Wal-Mart Organics: Oxymoron of the Year?

A few words that come to mind when I think about Wal-Mart:

A few words that come to mind when I think about producers of organic products:

Good for the Earth
So, when I read this article about how Wal-Mart is going to be offering organic products, it kinda blew my mind. Strangely enough, my first thought was, “Awesome! Since Wal-Mart is trying to conquer capitalism by wiping out small businesses one by one, at least consumers will have access to healthy, low-cost organic food when Wal-Mart is their only shopping choice.”

My second thought was, “Crap! What affect will this have on organic standards in this country if Wal-Mart becomes the biggest distributor of organic food in the country?”

I can just see the Wal-Mart lobbyists meeting with lawmakers on Capitol Hill now.

“Well, gee, Senator, why should we have to guarantee that produce is 95% pesticide-free to qualify for the USDA organic label? How about 90%? That’s still an “A” if you want to grade us. And this doesn’t preclude us from labeling genetically engineered fruit as organic right?”

Maybe I’m wrong, but I just have a bad feeling about this.
Bad. Bad. Bad.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

He ate what?

It’s official. Little Guy is a good eater. And I’m not just talking about booby milk here. He eats everything I put in front of him, even stuff with actual vitamins and minerals. Like spinach, peas, carrots, beans, squash, tofu, broccoli... The list goes on and on. I can give it to him cold from the fridge. He eats it. Warmed up. He eats it. Mixed in with the all-important iron-fortified rice cereal. He eats it! In fact, I can't spoon it in fast enough.

Where’s my proof that he'll eat anything? Well, what I’m going to show you next may make you queasy, so viewer discretion is advised. Here is what he ate the other day...

See, look, he can’t wait to have some!

Now, before you call Child Protective Services, this is perfectly healthy fare. I’ll even share the recipe with you so you can try it yourself. It may come in handy if you want to host a Halloween Party for your kids someday.

3 parts pureed broccoli
2 parts cottage cheese

Mix 3 parts pureed broccoli with 1 part cottage cheese. Microwave for 20 seconds, or until cheese has melted. Remove from microwave and let cool. Stir in remaining cottage cheese.
Voila! It’s goo. An edible, healthy treat, guaranteed to scare the bejesus out of your kids and their friends on Halloween. Yum-my!

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Oh, the Horror

(OK. Just one more post about my recent reunion with Aunt Flo and then I’m done with this topic.)

So, I’m going about my day at home, debating between engaging Little Guy in a stimulating mommy and me game of patty-cake or depositing him in the Exersaucer so I can do my nails, when all of a sudden... I feel a menstrual cramp coming on.

Only it's not the dull achy kind of cramp that I remember from my pre-pregnancy days. It feels like


a contraction.

You know. Like the kind of contraction you have during active labor that makes you plead with someone, anyone to knock you out with a two-by-four?

I doubled over and instinctively began hee hee who whooing to breathe through the pain. Instantly, my mind went into survival mode. I needed medication. An epidural? No, that's not it. Midol! I needed Midol! But I hadn't had Midol in the house for over a year.

And just as the horror of that thought began to sink in...the cramp was gone. Just like that. Man. One lone cramp. It only lasted for 30 seconds, but it was enough to remind me of two things.

1) I am truly a wimp when it comes to this stuff; and

2) I really need to get back on the pill ASAP.

Saturday, March 18, 2006

How Much More Can My Hormones Take?

This can't be happening. But it is. I guess I've been in denial this whole time, knowing in the back of my mind that it would happen eventually, but burying the thought deep within my subconscious. But finally, yesterday, my time was up. Here's how it went town.

Scene: Me, in the bathroom. Hubby in the other room, but within earshot.

Me: Oh my GOD! NO!

Hubby (from the other room): what?

Me: No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No!

Hubby: What?

Me: Damn. My period is back!!!

Hubby: Oh, is that all?

Is that all? Is he serious? I'm gonna be a crampy, bitchy, bleeding mess again every month and that's all the sympathy I get? Shit. I deserve a better response than that. At the very least, I should get a foot rub. A concerned look. Something.

But no. Chalk this up to another one of those things that we women are expected to deal with without any appreciation at all.

So, here's what I propose. If you find out that one of your friends (who's been sans period for a number of months due to baking a baby, breastfeeding etc.) has just found out that her period is back, consider doing something special for her. She's probably going to be a little sad. Even though she knows it has to be this way. So send her something to show her you care. Some home-baked cookies. A little gift certificate towards a pedicure. Or if you don't have the time or money, even an e-card would do, like this one.

Whatever you decide to do, I'm sure she'd appreciate it. I know I would.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Coming Out Party

Hi. I'm Cristina. I'm new to blogging and new to motherhood. A dangerous combination if you ask me. I've been blogging in the closet for a little while now and just decided to go public by adding myself to the Crazy Hip Blog Mamas website. I think these mamas rock. I hope that by adding myself to the website, some of their hipness will rub off on me. (I think I have the crazy part down, thanks.) If you want to learn a few random tidbits about me, you can read "100 Things" on the sidebar.

100 Things

1. I have one son, a cat, a husband, and a dog.
2. Depending on my mood, I might re-order that list. But I really do love them all.
3. Especially my son and my cat.
4. My hubby and I met in college at a Pimps and Ho’s Halloween party.
5. I was not in costume.
6. We partied so hard during college that we are now too pooped to party anymore.
7. We usually go to bed around 9pm, as soon as the Little Guy is in bed.
8. We call our son Little Guy or Guy for short. He is 8 months old.
9. My husband says he has me scheduled for my next insemination sometime this Fall.
10. I like to let him think that he is in charge of such things.
11. Though we all know he is not.
12. I currently work part-time for the government.
13. I work in budgeting.
14. Which is ironic since I got a degree in English.
15. Despite my degree, I’m not sure if I used the word ironic correctly in the previous sentence.
16. Maybe that’s why I got a job in budgeting.
17. I blog to get my writing fix.
18. But it kinda freaks me out when people leave pornographic comments on my mommy blog.
19. What kind of crazy pedophile does that?
20. If you are reading this right now and you are a crazy pedophile, shame on you and get the hell off my site.
21. I think being a mommy is fun.
22. Breastfeeding is my favorite pastime.
23. But I didn’t really like the whole pregnancy and childbirth part.
24. Especially the morning sickness, which I had for 20 weeks.
25. Or the part where my epidural didn’t work. (I didn’t know that epidurals don’t always work. Why didn’t anyone tell me that epidurals don’t always work?)
26. My husband tried to make a joke about this the other day.
27. I wasn’t laughing.
28. He couldn’t understand why.
29. Did I mention how much I love my son and my cat?
30. I like playing the piano, reading and finding grammar mistakes in published writing. I know there are grammar mistakes in my own writing, but I’m not published so that’s my excuse.
31. I have a couple of interesting physical quirks.
32. Like one of my legs is longer than the other, though you couldn’t tell just by looking at me.
33. This is because my spine is curved.
34. If my spine were straight, I am told I would be one inch taller. I think that’s fascinating and disturbing at the same time.
35. So about my heritage. I come from an Italian background.
36. Unfortunately for me, this means I have a big nose.
37. But I have come to embrace my nose as a feature that “gives me character”
38. I spent a year in Italy during college.
39. My boyfriend at the time waited for me faithfully until I got back.
40. That’s how I knew I had to marry him.
41. My godfather looks like the Godfather. He is from Sicily.
42. If you answered “yes” to #20 or try to mess with me in any other way, I will send him after you.
43. I also have two brothers and 27 male cousins. They are equally scary.
44. My parents are both teachers.
45. My father was my husband’s high school Spanish teacher.
46. But we didn’t know it until after I met my husband.
47. It was a weird six degrees of separation thing.
48. I went to high school at an all-girls private school.
49. I wasn’t totally cool during high school, but I wasn’t totally geeky either.
50. Though I did have acne, which really sucked.
51. Private school made me pretty sheltered.
52. But I think with therapy I will be OK.
53. But really, I got a pretty good education.
54. And I always liked school.
55. I actually got a masters degree after college.
56. Oh, you got your masters, huh? What do you think, you’re my master now?
57. My husband likes to make this joke.
58. But actually he got his masters in the same program.
59. He says I copied him. I say he copied me.
60. We bicker because we love each other.
61. I think we are starting to look more alike the longer we are together.
62. This is good news for him. He’d say it’s good news for me.
63. We are homebodies.
64. But I try not to watch too much TV.
65. Though I do think Tivo is the best invention ever.
66. It allows me to watch General Hospital every day.
67. General Hospital is my favorite show.
68. I think it’s cool that Maurice Benard grew up in the same small town that my father did.
69. There’s that weird six degrees of separation thing again.
70. But this time it’s with Maurice Benard.
71. The fact that I think that is cool shows my lameness.
72. I wonder if Maurice is reading this right now.
73. If you’re reading this, Maurice, and you’ve always wanted to meet relatives of random people from your hometown, e-mail me at
74. OK, I am shaking myself back to reality. Alright now I can move on.
75. My son is sleeping right now.
76. He is a really good sleeper.
77. And we don’t even have to give him acetaminophen.
78. Even though my husband has wanted to do this in the past.
79. I told him this would be child abuse.
80. He didn’t see why.
81. Despite this, he really is a good father.
82. But back to me.
83. I do have some faults.
84. One is that I am pretty cheap.
85. I like nice stuff, but I don’t want to pay for it.
86. Which is why I buy a lot of imitation Pottery Barn stuff at Target.
87. I’m also a compulsive list maker.
88. I have several lists that I work from.
89. I am, in fact, currently making a list.
90. It’s really a problem I need treatment for.
91. I am also compulsive about our finances.
92. I monitor them to the penny.
93. I recently put my husband on a budget.
94. He actually complied and is doing quite well.
95. I guess he is a keeper.
96. I really do love him.
97. Despite what I said in #3, #10, and #29.
98. Please forgive me, babe.
99. I know you’re reading this right now and shaking your head.
100. But as you would say, “There’s no getting rid of me now. I got the papers that say you're mine.”

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

i'll give you one corned beef dinner for a night of safe sex

Bishops Bend Rules for St. Patrick's Day, Yahoo News, March 15, 2006

Michael O'Leary doesn't need to choose between sinning and nibbling this St. Patrick's Day. O'Leary will enjoy his corned beef on Friday with a clear conscience — thanks to a special dispensation from another Irish-American, Archbishop Timothy Dolan of Milwaukee.

Dolan is among dozens of bishops — from Green Bay, Wis., to Arlington, Va., to Chicago to Boston — granting one-day dispensations from Lenten rules that prohibit Roman Catholics from eating meat on Fridays to observe the sacrifice of Jesus Christ....

Wow! A day when we Catholics get to break the rules! This is too cool. The bummer is that I don’t eat meat. So I don’t get anything out of this special dispensation. Darn. I wonder if they’d let me trade this St. Patty’s Day dispensation for a different dispensation.

Hmmm. Well, I don’t really like the whole “no birth control” rule. So how about this trade: I’ll give you one St. Patrick’s Day corned beef dinner for a guilt-free night of safe sex with the hubby. Seems like a fair offer.

So, who do I write to get this approved?

Monday, March 13, 2006

A Few Words for the Record

On the record: Labor wasn’t all that bad. Once I saw my baby, all the pain of childbirth was just lifted away.

Off the record:I wasn’t spraying myself with a topical anesthetic and sitting in a sitz bath for 3 weeks postpartum just for kicks. That shit hurt like a mo fo.


On the record: I expose my son to age-appropriate, developmentally appropriate learning experiences at all times in an effort to fully stimulate his cognitive, physical, and emotional growth.

Off the record:Exersaucers are really convenient when you need somewhere to stick your kid while you’re checking your e-mail.


On the record: What I hope for in writing this blog is that I will uncover some truths within myself that will illuminate the essence of what motherhood means to me.

Off the record:What I really hope for is that a posse of mommies will regularly read my blog, stroke my ego, and leave me comments with no less intensity than groupies following the Grateful Dead.


On the record: There’s something brilliant about how the flavors of that Cabernet are layered and sensual, while the aromas are, at the same time, so pure. A fruity combination of boysenberry and black cherries, finishing with just a hint of hazelnut.

Off the record: Charles Shaw anyone?


On the record: I think it’s great that Shiela can fit back into her size 4 jeans six weeks after giving birth.

Off the record: That b#tch.


On the record: Eating 5-9 fruits and vegetables and getting at least 30 minutes of physical activity a day is really important.

Off the record: Give me chocolate. I need chocolate.


On the record: I can’t wait to experience the miracle of childbirth again.

Off the record: Adoption? Anyone?


On the record: I am confident that with all the love and support that the hubby and I have to give our children, that they will grow up to be giving, caring, and contributing members of society.

Off the record:If they don’t end up in therapy, we shall celebrate.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

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