Peace on Earth and Goodwill to Men

That is, unless you happen to be part of the Loma Linda Homeowners Association.

According to the Associated Press, the Loma Linda Homeowners Association in Pagosa Springs, Colorado is taking a zero tolerance approach when it comes to peace-loving holiday decor this year:

A homeowners association in southwestern Colorado has threatened to fine a resident $25 a day until she removes a Christmas wreath with a peace sign that some say is an anti-Iraq war protest or a symbol of Satan.

Continue reading about the insanity...

A Blogging Memo

Edited below.
Date: November 26, 2006

To: Beloved Fellow Bloggers

From: MotR

Subject: Blogging - what else?
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When it comes to blogging, I feel a bit like a preggo in her third trimester (exhausted, clumsy, and in my darkest moments, just hoping it will all be over soon). And actually, this is my 9th month of blogging, which means that if blogging had a gestation period, I'd probably be about ready to give birth. But what would I be giving birth to? And was it worth the swollen ankles and sleepless nights?

I've been struggling for a while to determine how much time and energy to put into blogging. I've also been struggling with how to manage my blogging. That is, how do I carve a suitable piece out of my life for blogging so that it is meaningful but not all encompassing?

I blog because it is addictive. And it is fun. And I love it. I love to write and this is my only outlet. But I continue to question it - the intensity of it - a little bit. This isn't the first time that I have written about this. But it is the first time I am seriously going to be making some changes. Because between work and Little Guy and other stuff going on, I just have to make some changes.

You may already have noticed that I don't visit your blog as often as I have in months past and I feel guilty about that because I value the virtual friendship we have - whether I've known you since I started blogging or I'm just getting to know you. Other bloggers have written about this guilt (e.g., see here and maybe you have felt this guilt too?), and others have made the decision to scale back.

But these decisions are difficult and wrought with emotion because blogging friendships are real, and like any other friendship, they take time and nurturing. And this is what makes me saddest: that I don't have time to foster these relationships as much as I would like to, and that, some weeks or months from now, when I read a post about how two bloggers met each other in real life, I will sigh, and be just a teesy bit jealous. Because there is an opportunity cost to every decision, and I'm afraid I may lose some blogging friends over this one.

So, all this to say that I won't be in the blogosphere as much as I have been. Something's gotta give. I'll still be posting as much as I can, and I will be visiting blogs and commenting, but just not as often.

I'm sorry for all the introspection, but I just had to get this stuff off my chest because it's been gnawing at me for weeks.

And finally, to answer my own question: what have I given birth to? And has it been worth it?

Well, after 9 months, I've given birth to some wonderful blogging friendships and a collection of posts that chronicle some of the interesting and funny things that I have noticed as a first-time mother. Like motherhood, it's been tiring, but yes, it's definitely been worth it. And I would do it again if I had the chance.

Cuz you know, this is good, this blogging thing. I'm glad I started a blog. SO glad. I'm glad I met you and that we've been able to learn from each other. And hey, who knows? Maybe one day we'll even meet in real life. I think I'd like that.

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Edited to add: Thanks to each of you for your comments. It's nice to know that so many of you feel the same way and that you understand. I appreciate it very much! xxoo

What I'm Most Thankful For - In 1,000 Words

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May you and your families have a safe, joyful, and yummy Thanksgiving holiday!

1955 Called. They Need Their Male Chauvinism Back.

Have you seen this circling the Internet? It's an actual article from a 1955 issue of Good Housekeeping. Or so I hear. I don't actually have any proof that this is a real article. It is pretty hard to believe this is not a joke. I hope it is a joke. Anyone know?

I couldn't stop laughing while I read it. For one thing, this chick is cooking with heels on. WTF?

I can't figure out how to post a large image of the article so I have posted the text below.

The Good Wife's Guide

Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.

Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables.

During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.

Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

Don't greet him with complaints and problems.

Don't complain if he's late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.

Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

A good wife knows her place.

I would love to provide commentary on this, as it is just begging to be critiqued, but alas, I do not have time for much blogging tonight. So, I will just say this:

As we prepare for the U.S. celebration of Thanksgiving this week, let us all join together to give a hearty Thank the LORD that we don't live in 1955.

Fadiddle

Have you seen the new button on my sidebar? Down there on the left?

It looks like this:

This is the fabulous new online boutique started by Debbie of i obsess fame. To know Debbie is to love Debbie, as those of you who read her blog already know. But I wouldn't be promoting her wares if they weren't completely unbelievably uniquely awesome.

Fadiddle offers over-the-top-cute embroidered shirts for babies and toddlers. Allow me to provide some evidence of the cuteness of her stuff:









These are just a few of the unique designs that she has created for her line of baby and toddler shirts. She also does custom orders, will be adding an adult line, and is currently selling some limited-edition hand-made Christmas stockings that are really beautiful.

Side note: Debbie is in no way, shape or form paying me to promote her site. (That is, besides the 10% I get for every referral purchase. That's what we agreed to, right Deb? Just kidding! Totally kidding!) But seriously, I just thought you might want to check out her stuff. Her blog is very cool too.

Who Wants to Reinstate the Draft?

Although I tend to be liberal on most issues, that doesn’t mean that I agree with every Democrat all the time. Case in point: House Democrat Rep. Charles Rangel has just announced that he will be proposing a measure in the next few months to reinstate the draft... [continue reading]

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(Back to our regularly scheduled postings on more important topics, like goat sex and man boobs next time...)

What will you be doing for Thanksgiving?

I'll be having hot, steamy sex.

Let me explain. According to my new handy dandy ovulation calendar, there is an excellent chance that the sperm will fertilize the egg if we do it on Thanksgiving.

Yep. I'm moving on to ovulation calendar technology to help us out with the babymaking. We've been trying the "good old fashioned way" for three months now and I've decided that enough is enough. I know we just started trying and yada yada yada, but I'm an impatient woman. And I've been doing a helluva lot of work with no results for the last 90 days, so I'm rolling up my sleeves and kicking it into high gear now with the use of a free unscientifically supported online ovulation software aid.

Making babies has never been so fun.

Filed under: We don't care when you're having sex, MotR. TMI, OK??! Jeez.

One is the Loneliest Number

Especially when referring to orphan earrings. And in particular when referring to the very sentimental and heirloom-potential pink sapphire and diamond earrings that Husband bought me for Christmas last year and which came in a set of two originally (one for each ear of course) and that now (alas!) appear to have been separated, which I discovered yesterday when I went hunting for them and found only ONE earring where two should have been. Yes, that's just ONE sapphire and diamond earring, not TWO. GAH. But I have two ears! Double GAH.

I know there are more important matters in this world than a lost earring, but for just today I would like to observe a moment of whiny, pathetic crying for my lost earring. So please plug your ears.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!

OK, that kinda helped. A little. But honestly, I still feel like crap.

Anyone have a medal detector I can borrow?

*sigh*

ROFL Awards - October

Prepare to laugh your asses off, people! Izzy and I are pleased to announce the winners of the October ROFL Awards. Thanks to everyone who participated!




Mommy off the Record awards Kevin Charnas
There are funny bloggers and then there are f*cking funny bloggers, kwim? The kind of bloggers who write stuff that makes you laugh hard like 95% of the time. For me, one of these bloggers is definitely Kevin Charnas. As I debated about who I wanted to nominate this month, Kevin kept coming to mind and, in particular, a series of posts he had written around Halloween last month. The only problem was that two other people e-mailed me to award him for the very same posts! At first I thought that I should choose someone else, but then I thought that, really, that wouldn't be fair considering he was the blogger that I thought wrote the funniest post I had read last month. So, without further adieu, I would like to join Jennster and Oh the Joys in awarding Kevin Charnas for his Evolution of My Halloween Costume series of posts. Be sure to scroll down until you get to Puss in Boots, which is my all time fave. __________________________________

More Awardees....

Soul Gardening awarded Mama Tulip*

Crankmama awarded Moobs

Between Diapers and Dishes awarded Mexico Movies

Ravin’ Picture Maven and Life, the Universe and Everything awarded Hulushki

Scribbit awarded Dandelion Mama

Hello Insomnia awarded Anne Nahm

A Beautiful Mess awarded Victorian Rhapsody And Dirty Dishes

Radioactive Girl awarded Chicky Chicky Baby

InsParenting awarded Mommy off the Record

Hell Broke Loose Today awarded Zube Girl

Bub and Pie awarded Momish

Stolen Moments awarded Sweatpantsmom

The Pink Diary awarded Memoirs of a Feline Empress in Exile

Slackermommy awarded Momish

Maniacal Days awarded Kevin Charnas

Momish awarded 8 Centimeters Deluded

Oh the Joys awarded Kevin Charnas

Bread Crumbs in the Butter awarded a peek inside the fishbowl

Sarah and the Goon Squad awarded I'm Doing the Best I Can

MOMBAT awarded Crankmama

Jennster awarded Kevin Charnas

*As you may know, Mama Tulip is taking a blogging break right now, but that doesn't mean she can't still win an award!

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To award a blogger for a post written in November, e-mail me the link to the post and a link to your blog by December 5th.

An Open Letter to Tyra Banks

Dear Tyra,

I've never watched your show before, but the other day I happened to flip on the tube and guess what? Your show was on and somehow it actually caught my attention. You were interviewing a man for your segment titled, "My Breasts are a Burden." After losing 200 pounds, this man had some excess skin on his chest which caused him to have large breasts.

It was clearly difficult for him to talk about this embarrassing issue on national television. His breasts were a cause of pain and anguish that had deeply affected his life. And I am assuming that the only reason he was on the show at all was because your producers probably offered to pay for all or part of a gynecomastia (male breast reduction) surgery that he desperately wanted and probably couldn't afford otherwise.

Initially, I was happy that you decided to include a man in your segment on breasts because I would imagine there are many men out there who also struggle with this issue and would feel comforted to know they aren't alone.

But here's where I lost all respect for your show. It wasn't enough that the guy came on the segment and told his embarrassing story in front of a live studio audience and millions of television viewers. It wasn't enough that he had to be questioned about his man boobs by a world-famous Supermodel sitting three feet away from him looking all perfect and top modellyish. It wasn't enough that you got him to admit that when his two-year-old daughter saw him with his shirt off, she called him "Mommy". (Ouch.)

No, you had to ask this poor man to remove his shirt and allow a plastic surgeon to examine his breasts on national television in front of a full length mirror! You had to watch while this same completely cheesy-ass plastic surgeon cupped his man breast in one hand, jiggled it around, and declared that he was about a C-cup while the audience looked on like it was a freak show. You had to do this knowing that he was so embarrassed about his problem that he wouldn't even take off his shirt to go swimming in public!

I mean, really, WTF, Tyra? There was clearly no reason for this man to have been examined on the show. I'm sure we could have all imagined fairly well what his man boobs looked like without putting him through the shame and humiliation of undressing. But that wouldn't have been as good for ratings I'm sure, and you really wanted him to earn that money for the surgery, huh?

I give every show a chance before I decide whether or not to give it the kiss off. And this was your chance, Tyra. In my opinion, you blew it.

Husband Loses His Camera Privileges for Good

Scene: A beautiful Fall day at the Pumpkin Patch with Little Guy and Husband. We're all feeling happy to have found this great pumpkin patch complete with two petting zoos, a treehouse play area, hay rides, and a caramel apple stand. The weather is gorgeous. It's the kinda day that's perfect for taking pictures.
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Me: Husband, do you think you can take some pictures of me and Little Guy while we walk around?

Husband: Sure.

Me: Can you just make sure that when you take the pictures, you get my whole head in the shot?

Husband: Of course!

Me: Well, it's just that you have this habit of cutting off my head when you take pictures of me and Little Guy and it's really annoying.

Husband: Don't worry. I said I'd get some good pictures of you.

Me: OK, we're going to walk towards the petting zoo now. Can you get some candids of us with the animals? I don't really want to pose or anything.

Husband: Sure.

Three minutes go by.

Husband (rushing up to me with the camera): I got the shot! I got the shot!

Me: You didn't cut my head off did you?

Husband (holding out camera to me): Just look!


















Husband: Isn't that cool?! Those two goats were getting it on!

Me: *speechless*

I Thought this was a Democracy

Considering that we've made it our mission here in America to spread "democracy" far and wide throughout the world, you'd think that our country's electoral process - arguably the most fundamental of all democratic processes - would be running smoothly. You'd think that there wouldn't be any "funny business" going on that might, say, cast some doubt as to whether our elections are conducted fairly.

At least that's what I'd like to think. Unfortunately, I have been hearing more and more about the underhanded, and seemingly illegal, practices that are conducted to suppress voters. [Continue reading...]

Holiday Shopping Tip #63

If you're crazy enough to shop at the mall over the holidays this year, I would like to provide you with the following free advice:

Under no circumstances should you enter a Bath and Body Works while you are hungry. Just don't do it.

If you do, prepare to spend the next few months smelling like baked goods. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Is it wrong to lick a tester at the store? Cuz I soooo wanted to give it a lick.
Is it wrong to want to get "passionate" with a bottle of shampoo? Not if it smells like Pecan Pie. Mmmmmmm.
Finally, someone has bottled hot, wicked chocolate that I can smear all over my body. Ahhhhhh.

They also have spiced apple rapture, crazy caramel corn, pumpkin pie paradise, and spicy gingerbread. And while I know there is a big difference between eating these foods and slathering my entire body with them, my growling stomach got the best of me and I will, therefore, be spending the next few months smelling like holiday dessert foods.

Please, please don't let this happen to you.

Behold the Cuteness

He may be too young to understand what Halloween is, but he's not too young to be dressed up in a pirate costume and hauled over to the mall to get free candy for his parents to eat later. I did feel a little weird holding the bag myself and saying "trick or treat", but I got over it.